Life is good - most of the time
I have no right to complain. I live in a beautiful house and I have two beautiful healthy children. I have a family who loves me - a lot - with very little drama or crisis. But sometimes, just every once in a while, I get really tired of pretending that I'm happy ALL THE TIME! I get tired, I get sad, I am lonely, I am confused, bored, hurt, angry, scared, worried, and frustrated! If I weren't these things I'd be a robot. But when you are the "happy" person, the one who holds it all together, the one who makes sure everyone else is taken care of and getting along, the mediator - no one wants to hear the crappy stuff. And it sucks. A lot of my friends are going through some really serious stuff right now, and my little issues seem so trivial in comparison, I'm embarrassed to even bring up the financial difficulties (at least I have a roof over my head), or the inner conflict about what to do next with my life (at least I have time to decide), or the frustrations of raising a 10 year old boy (at least he's healthy). Comparing my issues to others' doesn't make sense, but it also doesn't make them any less real or less important. And the person I should be able to lean on doesn't even ask me how I am, or what is on my mind, they just don't want to know. They only want to know that everything is fine. Because if everything isn't fine in my Perfectly Happy Sunshiny world then their world must be really messed up!
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