Thursday, April 03, 2008

Epidemic

There seems to be an epidemic of women in their 30s and 40s becoming increasingly dis-satisfied with their long-term monogamous relationships. It seems like EVERYONE I talk to has a story.

What I’ve learned:

No one is immune based on moral values or religious ethics.

It’s quite clear that monogamy is neither desirable nor possible for the majority of human-beings.

Whether modeled by our mothers or formed from some mis-guided ideal, women have put our "selves" aside for the sake of the kids, the marriage, the family, or for social acceptance; men aren’t expected to (and therefore don’t) do this.

Some of those who have lost themselves go back to the last place they remember seeing their true selves, their single/dating/partying days. Some of us look for a new avenue to explore because we’ve never really known who we are. Some of us stay stuck in limbo for a very long time.

Whatever your situation is, if you talk about it, you will find others who are experiencing similar issues and it is always good to know you are not alone.

The divorce option provides freedom for some but it also provides turmoil for others.

And the number one thing I’ve learned from my own experience and from others: When you see the "perfect couple" or "perfect family" with their "perfect lives and perfect little house with a white picket fence in suburbia" - I can guarantee that all is not what it seems!

There are many unanswered questions about why this is happening; my theory is that most of us were independent women before we married and had kids and because we live in an era where divorce is much less taboo and far more common we have the option to exit a love-less or simply stagnant marriage (where our parents did not). If this were the 1950’s we’d stay home with our children, stay in our broken marriages and probably stay tranquilized with valiums in the morning and cocktails in the evening! Is this a blessing or a curse? I’m not sure.