In recent weeks, I have had one friend whose jacket was swiped from her checkstand, the thief then went into the parking lot, with my friends keys, clicking the unlock button on the key fob until she found my friend's vehicle and stole it from a busy parking lot! January 31st, two men mugged a retired deputy law enforcement officer on the American River Trail, and then SHOT him in the leg...this happened in broad daylight, folks! And the other day I came home from dropping off the kids at school to find a homeless man rummaging through the recycle bin that had been left out for pick up (an unusual occurence, so I walked swiftly into my house and locked the door behind me -- something I rarely do).
So ladies, if you've never done so before, now is the time to take a self-defense course, and if you already have, then polish up and practice what you've learned! Gentlemen, you may be slightly less vulnerable, but obviously from the incident last week, when in a threatening situation, don't assume you're safe.
In these harder economic times it makes sense to remind everyone that when people get desparate, when they lose hope, when they turn to drugs or alcohol to deal with stress, people are capable of horrible things...Please read on:
Roger Lane, a Haverford College professor and author of Murder in America: A History, says the economic downturn will almost certainly contribute to increased crime rates in the near future. Hundreds of thousands have already been thrown out of work — many who not too long ago moved from welfare to work under recent reforms. Those individuals may now face new lifetime limits on welfare and find themselves in a particularly porous safety net, Lane said. "In a short period of time we may see levels of desperation that we have not seen in a long time," he said. When people get desperate — particularly young, low-income people — they are more likely to turn to drugs, alcohol and crime, some experts say. "It may give rise to a growth and demand for drugs as self-medication for the stress of unemployment," Blumstein said. "All of the horrors that follow from illegal drug markets can follow."
Here are some tips to help keep us all safe:
The three reasons women are easy targets for random acts of violence are:
1) Lack of Awareness - You MUST know where you are & what's going on around you.
2) Body Language - Keep your head up, swing your arms, stand straight up.
3) Wrong Place, Wrong Time - DON'T walk alone in an alley, or drive in a bad neighborhood at night.
Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc.) DON'T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.
A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage: Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor,and in the back seat. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars. This is a good reason to park away from big vans.
Look at the car parked on the drivers side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman towalk you backout. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (Better paranoid than dead.)
If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.
ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot.) Do not get on an elevator if there is a weirdo already on there. (Of course bad men don't always look bad.) Do not stand back in the corners of the elevator. Be near the front, by the doors, ready to get off or on. If you get on the elevator on the 25th floor, and the Boogie Man gets on the 22nd, get off when he gets on. Don't ride the elevator with him if you are not comfortable.
If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! Police only make 4 of 10 shots when they are in range of 3-9 feet. This is due to stress. The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times. And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!
As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good looking,well-educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.
Pat Malone told us the story of his daughter, who came out of the mall and was walking to her car when she noticed 2 older ladies in front of her. Then she saw a police car come towards her with officers who said hello. She also noticed that all 8 handicap spots in the area were empty. As she neared her car, she saw a man a few rows over calling to her for help. He wanted her to close his passenger side door. He was sitting in the driver's side, and said he was handicapped. He continued calling, until she turned and headed back to the mall, and then he began cursing at her. In the meantime, she wondered why he didn't ask the 2 older ladies, or the policeman for help, and why he was not parked in any of the empty handicap spots. As she got back to the mall, two male friends of hers were exiting, and as she told them the story, and turned to point at the car, the man was getting out of the back seat into the front, and the car sped away. DON'T GET CAUGHT IN THIS TRAP.
Tips to saving your life, if you have gotten into a violent situation:
REACT IMMEDIATELY - If he abducts you in a parking lot, and is taking you to an abandoned area, DON'T LET HIM GET YOU TO THAT AREA. If you are driving, react immediately in the situation, and crash your car while still going 5 mph. If he's driving, find the right time, and stick your fingers in his eyes. He must watch the road, so choose an unsuspecting time, and gouge him. It is your ONLY defense. While he is in shock, GET OUT. This sounds gross, but the alternative is worse if you do not act.
RESIST - Don't go along with him: Run, if you are able: DON'T EVER GIVE UP! You DO NOT want to get to a crime scene.
Always keep your distance when walking past strangers on the street or in dark areas.
GET A CELL PHONE: There are packages for $19.95 a month that allow you to program only 911 into the dialing out program. (This is an alternative for parents who say it is too expensive for their kids to have a cell phone.)
BREAK DOWNS: Make every effort to avoid this by ALWAYS keeping your carin good working order. If your car breaks down:
LOCK YOUR DOORS. You better have a cell phone to call for help. If you don't have a cell phone: (shame on you) keep a blanket, warm clothes, a pair of boots, and a flashlight in your car always, for emergencies.
If it's noon on a business day, you may want to put your hazards on and walk to safety. If it's 2 AM, put on your warm clothes, and walk to a lighted area. You are a perfect target if you are sitting in your car broken down. Predators search the highways for easy targets like you. If you're on a desolate road: walk away from the car (in your warm clothes) and go to some bushes, or some area AWAY from your vehicles. It will be cold, and uncomfortable, but you DO NOT want to stay in your car, and there are no psycho bogeymen waiting in the bushes who knew you were going to break down there and then.
Physical defenses that we can use against the violent predator:
The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do!
The EYES are the most vulnerable part of the body. Poke him there HARD. It may be your only window of opportunity.
The neck is also a vulnerable spot, but you MUST know where to grip, AND HAVE THE STRENGTH to cut off his breath. Punch him in the throat to cut off his air supply.
The last place is the KNEES. Everyone's knees are very vulnerable, and a swift kick here will take anyone down. **** A cautionary note about these things. If you do not do these things right the first time, you are in trouble, because it will only anger the individual, and that anger will be TAKEN OUT ON YOU. I'm not saying don't attempt them, it may be your only hope, but be forceful when you do.
If you are walking alone in the dark (which you shouldn't be) and you find him following/chasing you: Scream "FIRE!" and not "help"; People don't want to get involved when people yell "help" but "fire" draws attention because people are nosy. RUN!
Find an obstacle, such as a parked car, and run around it, like Ring Around the Rosie. This may sound silly, but over the years, 5 women have told Pat Malone that this SAVED THEIR LIVES. Your last hope is getting under the car. Once you are under there, there are tons of things to hold onto, and he will not be able to get you out and will not come under for you (most likely). Usually they give up by this point. The catch here is that YOU MUST PRACTICE GETTING UNDER THE CAR. You must have a plan (he will have one); know if you will be going on your back, front, from the side or back of the car. It must be practiced.
Hey...Let's be careful out there!
Peace & Blessings,
Lisa
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
I Love This!
From "Lean Forward Into Your Life" by Mary Anne Radmacher: "i awakened. isn't that a wonderful statement? i awakened. oh that it were true in every cell of my being. i awakened! i no longer slept. i did not draw down the shades of my spirit and remain forever slumbered to the vitality of life. i set aside numbness and even willingly choose pain over not feeling. ah. there's a lesson here. is it the self-punisher who would contrast a willingness for pain over numbness? i see the reach but i must invent a new internal dynamic. i would choose joy. i would choose JOY over pain."
It IS a choice, folks! How many of us numbly go about our day, packing the kids lunches in our half sleep, herding our flock to school while absent-mindedly sipping the lukewarm coffee that was hot when we poured it into the travel mug an hour ago, returning home we walk in the front door, auto-pilot to the laundry room where we toss in yet another load of mis-matched socks and torn jeans...up to the shower, same routine every morning, then back out into the world to take care of the chores and errands of the day...sit down "just for Days of Our Lives", then back to the rut... the robotic kiss and "How was your day, Dear", dinner at 6 (always), tacos on tuesdays (always), homework, baths, the robotic kisses goodnight and finally fall into bed - exhausted? NO. just bored with it all...how very sad! Shake it up people. Be truly present and aware. Take a risk, lean into it! It's SO worth it! Did anybody see the moon tonight?! AMAZING!!
From "Lean Forward Into Your Life" by Mary Anne Radmacher: "i awakened. isn't that a wonderful statement? i awakened. oh that it were true in every cell of my being. i awakened! i no longer slept. i did not draw down the shades of my spirit and remain forever slumbered to the vitality of life. i set aside numbness and even willingly choose pain over not feeling. ah. there's a lesson here. is it the self-punisher who would contrast a willingness for pain over numbness? i see the reach but i must invent a new internal dynamic. i would choose joy. i would choose JOY over pain."
It IS a choice, folks! How many of us numbly go about our day, packing the kids lunches in our half sleep, herding our flock to school while absent-mindedly sipping the lukewarm coffee that was hot when we poured it into the travel mug an hour ago, returning home we walk in the front door, auto-pilot to the laundry room where we toss in yet another load of mis-matched socks and torn jeans...up to the shower, same routine every morning, then back out into the world to take care of the chores and errands of the day...sit down "just for Days of Our Lives", then back to the rut... the robotic kiss and "How was your day, Dear", dinner at 6 (always), tacos on tuesdays (always), homework, baths, the robotic kisses goodnight and finally fall into bed - exhausted? NO. just bored with it all...how very sad! Shake it up people. Be truly present and aware. Take a risk, lean into it! It's SO worth it! Did anybody see the moon tonight?! AMAZING!!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Everyone's Perogative
All of us are blessed with the right and ability to change our minds. Some of us do so more often than others. I change my mind on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis. Others who do not change their mind as often may think of this as a negative trait; flaky or flighty. On the contrary, the ability to change one's mind, to "go with flow" should be appreciated as being open to all the possibilities that are presented to us. The Universe is continually giving us new choices to make, new possibilities to explore. Being rigid in the decision making process limits your ability to be open to all that the Universe has to offer. In fact, if one has made a choice, and then wants to reverse their decision, as long as no one is harmed or severely inconvienced, reversals should be honored and respected. We must all be open to the ebb and flow of the Universe. The earth and all it's inhabitants and wonders are fluid and temporary - as are our choices - it's the nature of living.
Today I am choosing to live robustly - tomorrow I may choose to bury my head in the sand! Life is a series of difficult choices and we should always try to choose wisely, but knowing that any decision I make does not have to be set in stone gives me courage to live freely and boldly. Rigidity is fragile, flexibility is strength. Stay strong!
All of us are blessed with the right and ability to change our minds. Some of us do so more often than others. I change my mind on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis. Others who do not change their mind as often may think of this as a negative trait; flaky or flighty. On the contrary, the ability to change one's mind, to "go with flow" should be appreciated as being open to all the possibilities that are presented to us. The Universe is continually giving us new choices to make, new possibilities to explore. Being rigid in the decision making process limits your ability to be open to all that the Universe has to offer. In fact, if one has made a choice, and then wants to reverse their decision, as long as no one is harmed or severely inconvienced, reversals should be honored and respected. We must all be open to the ebb and flow of the Universe. The earth and all it's inhabitants and wonders are fluid and temporary - as are our choices - it's the nature of living.
Today I am choosing to live robustly - tomorrow I may choose to bury my head in the sand! Life is a series of difficult choices and we should always try to choose wisely, but knowing that any decision I make does not have to be set in stone gives me courage to live freely and boldly. Rigidity is fragile, flexibility is strength. Stay strong!
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Renunciation
"Fixated upon getting, possessing, and arriving at the "perfect moment", we overlook the fact that the perfect moment comes to depend upon the fulfillment of our goals, desires, and fantasies. We believe we will be happy when we have ordered the world to suit our wants, expectations, and ambitions. Strangely, the perfect moment and promise of fulfillment never arrives, it is ceaselessly pushed over into the future as yet another need or desire arises within us. Peace and happiness are not so complicated; they are born of being, not of having."
"We can go through life thinking "This shouldn't be happening, I want something else to happen". Pursuing what we want and do not have, losing interest in what previously fascinated us, are all the tentacles of a (unfulfilled) craving. Craving is a powerful energy that takes us away from the moment and ourselves. As our appetites increase, we find ourselves needing ever more intense excitment and experience. Our energy, time, well-being, and peace are pushed aside by the craving. Renunciation, learning to let go gently and clearly in our lives is the antidote to craving."
Normally I wouldn't post stuff I rip from books, but this was just too good to let go. This excerpt is from The Buddhist Path to Simplicity by Christina Feldman and it really sums up what my feelings have become about life/love/friends/good times/bad times, etcetera.
As modern human beings we tend to push ourselves into deep states of sorrow and anxiety in our quest for the perfect partner/job/house/child/life. Buddha described the two deepest fears for us as the fear of having nothing, and the fear of being no-one. If you can learn to let go of those fears, you can attain true freedom, which will allow you to live in peace with yourself, with others around you and with the universe. Freedom is not about being able to do whatever you want, when you want. It's beginning to learn how to love yourself so that you can love others. It's discovering that happiness and contentment are possible within each moment if we let go of our expectations, leaving a world of unease and discontent, to live in a world of profound joy and love.
Of course in our western world, we must balance this with the reality that we should be happy and successful in the work we choose, that we can forgive but don't have to forget when we've been wronged, and that everyday is a gift and should be approached with wisdom (that there may not be another) and enthusiasm. As you learn to let go of your wants and expectations, you will find that what you have always desired has been right there for you.
"Fixated upon getting, possessing, and arriving at the "perfect moment", we overlook the fact that the perfect moment comes to depend upon the fulfillment of our goals, desires, and fantasies. We believe we will be happy when we have ordered the world to suit our wants, expectations, and ambitions. Strangely, the perfect moment and promise of fulfillment never arrives, it is ceaselessly pushed over into the future as yet another need or desire arises within us. Peace and happiness are not so complicated; they are born of being, not of having."
"We can go through life thinking "This shouldn't be happening, I want something else to happen". Pursuing what we want and do not have, losing interest in what previously fascinated us, are all the tentacles of a (unfulfilled) craving. Craving is a powerful energy that takes us away from the moment and ourselves. As our appetites increase, we find ourselves needing ever more intense excitment and experience. Our energy, time, well-being, and peace are pushed aside by the craving. Renunciation, learning to let go gently and clearly in our lives is the antidote to craving."
Normally I wouldn't post stuff I rip from books, but this was just too good to let go. This excerpt is from The Buddhist Path to Simplicity by Christina Feldman and it really sums up what my feelings have become about life/love/friends/good times/bad times, etcetera.
As modern human beings we tend to push ourselves into deep states of sorrow and anxiety in our quest for the perfect partner/job/house/child/life. Buddha described the two deepest fears for us as the fear of having nothing, and the fear of being no-one. If you can learn to let go of those fears, you can attain true freedom, which will allow you to live in peace with yourself, with others around you and with the universe. Freedom is not about being able to do whatever you want, when you want. It's beginning to learn how to love yourself so that you can love others. It's discovering that happiness and contentment are possible within each moment if we let go of our expectations, leaving a world of unease and discontent, to live in a world of profound joy and love.
Of course in our western world, we must balance this with the reality that we should be happy and successful in the work we choose, that we can forgive but don't have to forget when we've been wronged, and that everyday is a gift and should be approached with wisdom (that there may not be another) and enthusiasm. As you learn to let go of your wants and expectations, you will find that what you have always desired has been right there for you.
Monday, January 05, 2009
Sharing My Air
Some people on this planet make it very difficult to practice Buddhist philosophies.
I'm talking about the jerks that just have no concept or concern when they go around hurting others. I'm talking about the CEOs that rake in millions while their employees work their asses off to keep their jobs, struggling every day just to make end meet and then get laid off anyway. I'm talking about the jerks who think they are above the law and abuse their positions in their quest for power. I'm talking about the ass hole that cheated on my friend, while she was celebrating the New Year with him, and then had the nerve to tell someone that he was "sorry" just to cover his dumb ass and make himself feel better.
Buddhism tells us that these people must be suffering deep inner turmoil (whether they know it or not, or choose to do anything about it or not) and we should have compassion for everyone, especially those that are suffering. This is where I get stuck.
I obviously haven't reached enlightment yet, because to me, these people and all others like them are just plain soul-less and evil, and no compassion that I, or any other person, could ever show them will change that. These are the people I resent sharing my air with. And because of them, because I can't get past their reprehensible behavior, I have and will continue to let myself and all other buddhists down.
Some people on this planet make it very difficult to practice Buddhist philosophies.
I'm talking about the jerks that just have no concept or concern when they go around hurting others. I'm talking about the CEOs that rake in millions while their employees work their asses off to keep their jobs, struggling every day just to make end meet and then get laid off anyway. I'm talking about the jerks who think they are above the law and abuse their positions in their quest for power. I'm talking about the ass hole that cheated on my friend, while she was celebrating the New Year with him, and then had the nerve to tell someone that he was "sorry" just to cover his dumb ass and make himself feel better.
Buddhism tells us that these people must be suffering deep inner turmoil (whether they know it or not, or choose to do anything about it or not) and we should have compassion for everyone, especially those that are suffering. This is where I get stuck.
I obviously haven't reached enlightment yet, because to me, these people and all others like them are just plain soul-less and evil, and no compassion that I, or any other person, could ever show them will change that. These are the people I resent sharing my air with. And because of them, because I can't get past their reprehensible behavior, I have and will continue to let myself and all other buddhists down.
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Gifts
I was blessed to receive the most amazing gifts this Christmas; I received the gift of insight during my experience with 11 year old Matthew, I received the gift of inner peace & honesty from a dear friend, I received the gift of courage from the Universe and I received the gift of true love from my girlfriends and from my children.
Truly, this has all happened within the last two weeks...but what really blew my mind was that through it all, I was also given the gift of awareness: I have become aware that though I thought I was Open to receiving gifts and wisdom from all around me, it is as if I have french doors within me that were just slightly ajar, but when I threw those doors open wide, an abundance of light and peace and insight came flooding in! These gifts have overwhelmed me with gratitude and happiness!
So in return for all my beautiful gifts, here is a small but precious gift for you:
Better than a thousand careless words is one single word that gives peace.
Better than a hundred years lived in heedlessness,
Is one single day lived in wisdom and deep contemplation.
Better than a hundred years lived in confusion,
Is a single day lived with courage and wise intention.
The Dhammapada
(The only question I have now is, "Where do I return this ridiculous purple sweater?!" lol!! jk!!! You know I can never take life TOO seriously! hee hee!)
I was blessed to receive the most amazing gifts this Christmas; I received the gift of insight during my experience with 11 year old Matthew, I received the gift of inner peace & honesty from a dear friend, I received the gift of courage from the Universe and I received the gift of true love from my girlfriends and from my children.
Truly, this has all happened within the last two weeks...but what really blew my mind was that through it all, I was also given the gift of awareness: I have become aware that though I thought I was Open to receiving gifts and wisdom from all around me, it is as if I have french doors within me that were just slightly ajar, but when I threw those doors open wide, an abundance of light and peace and insight came flooding in! These gifts have overwhelmed me with gratitude and happiness!
So in return for all my beautiful gifts, here is a small but precious gift for you:
Better than a thousand careless words is one single word that gives peace.
Better than a hundred years lived in heedlessness,
Is one single day lived in wisdom and deep contemplation.
Better than a hundred years lived in confusion,
Is a single day lived with courage and wise intention.
The Dhammapada
(The only question I have now is, "Where do I return this ridiculous purple sweater?!" lol!! jk!!! You know I can never take life TOO seriously! hee hee!)
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Realizations. A final word about 2008...
*Note: This was one of those silly myspace surveys, but it made me think...if you want to take it for yourself just cut and paste, remove my answers and insert yours...it's kinda fun!
1. I've come to realize that boobs...
are just boobs - everyone's got 'em!
2. I've come to realize that my car...
was more of a burden than a wise choice...ugh
3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...
I've been less careful - oops...
4. I've come to realize that I need...
meditation, good health and friends
5. I've come to realize that my heart...
is open wide and while love pours out, it welcomes everyone in
6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...
I lose myself in what's not important
7. I've come to realize that when I'm drunk...
I'm not as funny as when I'm not....
8. I've come to realize that money...
can cause trouble or triumph...be wary of it
9. I've come to realize that certain people...
can't be taught
10. I've come to realize that I'll never be...
anything other than who I am
11. I've come to realize drugs...
are not my thing
12. I've come to realize that my best friends...
don't always agree with me, but that's what makes them the Best!
13. I've come to realize that my cell phone...
is a crutch
14. I've come to realize that last night before i went to sleep...
I was alone
15. I've come to realize when i woke up this morning...
I was alone
16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about...
I have to pee! lol!
17. I've come to realize that when I get on Myspace...
my neck hurts
18. I've come to realize that yesterday...
was a gift
19. I've come to realize that today...
is going to be a LONG day
20. I've come to realize that tonight...
is just another night that somehow became a big deal, but almost always ends in disappointment...
21. I have come to realize that tomorrow...
may never come, so treasure this moment!
22. I've come to realize that I really want to...
Be an example of loving kindness in the world
23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this...
could be anyone - life is full of surprises
24.I've come to realize that I love...
me!
25. I've come to realize that last weekend...
was the most amazing Christmas present I've ever given myself
26. I've realized the best music to listen to when I am upset...
always seems to come on the radio at just the right moment
27. I've come to realize that some friends.....
Just kinda drift away. Life is funny that way.
28. I've come to realize that this year...
Will be one I will remember forever
*Note: This was one of those silly myspace surveys, but it made me think...if you want to take it for yourself just cut and paste, remove my answers and insert yours...it's kinda fun!
1. I've come to realize that boobs...
are just boobs - everyone's got 'em!
2. I've come to realize that my car...
was more of a burden than a wise choice...ugh
3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...
I've been less careful - oops...
4. I've come to realize that I need...
meditation, good health and friends
5. I've come to realize that my heart...
is open wide and while love pours out, it welcomes everyone in
6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...
I lose myself in what's not important
7. I've come to realize that when I'm drunk...
I'm not as funny as when I'm not....
8. I've come to realize that money...
can cause trouble or triumph...be wary of it
9. I've come to realize that certain people...
can't be taught
10. I've come to realize that I'll never be...
anything other than who I am
11. I've come to realize drugs...
are not my thing
12. I've come to realize that my best friends...
don't always agree with me, but that's what makes them the Best!
13. I've come to realize that my cell phone...
is a crutch
14. I've come to realize that last night before i went to sleep...
I was alone
15. I've come to realize when i woke up this morning...
I was alone
16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about...
I have to pee! lol!
17. I've come to realize that when I get on Myspace...
my neck hurts
18. I've come to realize that yesterday...
was a gift
19. I've come to realize that today...
is going to be a LONG day
20. I've come to realize that tonight...
is just another night that somehow became a big deal, but almost always ends in disappointment...
21. I have come to realize that tomorrow...
may never come, so treasure this moment!
22. I've come to realize that I really want to...
Be an example of loving kindness in the world
23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this...
could be anyone - life is full of surprises
24.I've come to realize that I love...
me!
25. I've come to realize that last weekend...
was the most amazing Christmas present I've ever given myself
26. I've realized the best music to listen to when I am upset...
always seems to come on the radio at just the right moment
27. I've come to realize that some friends.....
Just kinda drift away. Life is funny that way.
28. I've come to realize that this year...
Will be one I will remember forever
Sunday, December 28, 2008
The gift of Insight
My kids are away today and I'm feeling a little bit lonely...it's been a fairly common feeling of late, but today it feels a little different. Today feels like I can do something that will change my mood and lift my own spirit by doing something kind for someone who I believe is FAR lonelier than I will ever, ever know.
The back story:
The night before Christmas eve was particularly difficult for me. The blahs had been hanging around all week and I never really did feel in the spirt of the season. I miss my family terribly and didn't have an especially terrific Christmas to look forward to this year.
So I opened my home to my neighbors to enjoy a warm potluck dinner indoors. Afterwards, we took our cocktails out front to give candy canes to the looky-loos that drive down our street admiring the light displays on almost every house. This annual tradition started about 6 years ago and has become the hallmark of our neighborhood, and has created a circle of friends out of folks that ordinarily would be just "neighbors". We help each other year-round with big chores, small tasks, loans of tools and cups of sugar, we help with a meal when one of us is facing a particular challenge, we celebrate birthdays together and we all keep an eye on suspicious activitiy. Right after Thanksgiving everyone gives a helping hand to ensure each house is lit before the first Saturday in December, then we all participate in the weekly bon-fires and potlucks, the guys even take turns putting on the santa suit, and when it gets too cold or too late we send our kids indoors to each others homes to watch movies or play video games.
I love my neighbors and my neighborhood. I feel safe and cared for here. But lately, my "white picket fence" has been falling down and the neighbors have started to distance themselves. We are still close, but finding common ground is growing more and more difficult. However, I do care about these people so, last Tuesday, I tried to buoy my sinking spirit by sharing a meal and some conversation with my friends. Unfortunately, I was met with a reminder of how fragile some bonds are, and how fickle people can be in their decisions about who to let in to their circle:
Matthew, a little boy, 11 years old, started coming around our neighborhood about two years ago or so, looking for a friend, someone to play with. Well, we have about 10 kids on the block all within the 9 - 13 year old age range. He started hanging out more and more and pretty soon the kids, as well as the adults, were aware that he was staying far too long, and he starting to do things our kids would not do; like doorbell ditching. So the kids and the adults started to say "No, you cannot come in." "No, Aaron does not want to play.", and soon enough, he stopped coming around.
Tuesday night after our meal, as we adults were standing around the fires warming our hands and bodies, and after all the kids had been sent indoors, my neighbors and I see a young kid walking down the other side of the street. My neighbor says, "Oh my gosh, is that Matthew? What's he doing out so late?" So I called him over to sit by the fire. I asked him how he was doing, how was school (you know, the usual chit chat between an adult and child) and suddenly my friend says to him "Matthew, you need to go home". And my other neighborfriend says, "Yes, it's time for you to go". Then they proceeded to talk about how terrible it was that his grandfather would let him go out at night by himself. And finally, they said in unison, "Matthew! You need to go home NOW!"
So, while I stood there dumbfounded at the lack of compassion or even politeness aimed at this child, he stood up and with a crushed look on his face (I can only say I could feel it more than I saw it) walked away into the dark.
I WAS PISSED! I turned to my friends and said, "So you're saying he shouldn't be out walking by himself in the dark and yet, you just told him to go alone into the night?!" (My neighbor then offered to go find him and walk him home...she tried, but he had gotten too far and I have to believe he wasn't in much of a mood to have some unkind neighbor lady walk with him.)
I tried to reason with my friends about Mathew's obviously unsatisfactory homelife and what it must feel like to be such a non-entity in his own home, that he goes out alone at night seeking a friendly face, or maybe just escaping a crappy situation. But, they wouldn't listen and just kept saying "He knows he's not welcome here", "He knows when he should be home". Really? What if YOU were never taught boundaries or told of the social stigma of overstaying your welcome, or what if you lived with a grandfather who barely knows how to take care of himself, let alone an 11 year old child...
It suddenly hit me that the crushed look on that boy's face, was the feeling I had been having all week; one of pure, intense, loneliness. No one should ever have to feel THAT lonely, especially at Christmastime. I felt his loneliness mix with mine and well up inside me. I went home and cried. I cried sadness for Matthew, and I cried anger at the thoughtlessness of my neighbors actions, I cried disappointment in humanity, and I cried at my own inability to react more quickly in this child's defense. My kids heard me and wanted to know what was wrong. I told them about how important it is to open your heart to others less fortunate, and to be kind to everyone without casting judgement. I then asked my kids to be nice to the boy, and to include him in their games occasionally. And my kids, being the wonderful, shining examples of un-jaded innocence and kindness that they are, immediately nodded their understanding and with a big group hug, asked me when could they invite Matthew over to play. I said as soon as possible (as long as we set some appropriate boundaries, of course).
Unfortunately they haven't been home to be able to ask him over, but I do have some free time today. Today I'm going to bring Matthew a small Christmas present. And I'm going to finish that conversation we started at the fire pit. And I'm going to get his phone number, so the kids can call him and invite him over. And hopefully, I'm going to make his day just a tiny bit better - I know my day will be one of the best days of Christmas yet!
Each day that I open my heart and my mind wider and wider to the possibilities of this world, I become a better person. One of the major tenets of Buddhism is to alleviate suffering; for yourself and for the world. I don't make resolutions, but acting with loving kindness towards those who need it most is certainly something I can do more of, starting today and continuing on in the New Year.
Peace and Blessings Friends!
Be kind to one another, it's the greatest gift of all.
Note: Matthew has been over a couple of times since this post and my kids always let me know how nice they've been to him. They want me to be proud of them, and I AM!
My kids are away today and I'm feeling a little bit lonely...it's been a fairly common feeling of late, but today it feels a little different. Today feels like I can do something that will change my mood and lift my own spirit by doing something kind for someone who I believe is FAR lonelier than I will ever, ever know.
The back story:
The night before Christmas eve was particularly difficult for me. The blahs had been hanging around all week and I never really did feel in the spirt of the season. I miss my family terribly and didn't have an especially terrific Christmas to look forward to this year.
So I opened my home to my neighbors to enjoy a warm potluck dinner indoors. Afterwards, we took our cocktails out front to give candy canes to the looky-loos that drive down our street admiring the light displays on almost every house. This annual tradition started about 6 years ago and has become the hallmark of our neighborhood, and has created a circle of friends out of folks that ordinarily would be just "neighbors". We help each other year-round with big chores, small tasks, loans of tools and cups of sugar, we help with a meal when one of us is facing a particular challenge, we celebrate birthdays together and we all keep an eye on suspicious activitiy. Right after Thanksgiving everyone gives a helping hand to ensure each house is lit before the first Saturday in December, then we all participate in the weekly bon-fires and potlucks, the guys even take turns putting on the santa suit, and when it gets too cold or too late we send our kids indoors to each others homes to watch movies or play video games.
I love my neighbors and my neighborhood. I feel safe and cared for here. But lately, my "white picket fence" has been falling down and the neighbors have started to distance themselves. We are still close, but finding common ground is growing more and more difficult. However, I do care about these people so, last Tuesday, I tried to buoy my sinking spirit by sharing a meal and some conversation with my friends. Unfortunately, I was met with a reminder of how fragile some bonds are, and how fickle people can be in their decisions about who to let in to their circle:
Matthew, a little boy, 11 years old, started coming around our neighborhood about two years ago or so, looking for a friend, someone to play with. Well, we have about 10 kids on the block all within the 9 - 13 year old age range. He started hanging out more and more and pretty soon the kids, as well as the adults, were aware that he was staying far too long, and he starting to do things our kids would not do; like doorbell ditching. So the kids and the adults started to say "No, you cannot come in." "No, Aaron does not want to play.", and soon enough, he stopped coming around.
Tuesday night after our meal, as we adults were standing around the fires warming our hands and bodies, and after all the kids had been sent indoors, my neighbors and I see a young kid walking down the other side of the street. My neighbor says, "Oh my gosh, is that Matthew? What's he doing out so late?" So I called him over to sit by the fire. I asked him how he was doing, how was school (you know, the usual chit chat between an adult and child) and suddenly my friend says to him "Matthew, you need to go home". And my other neighborfriend says, "Yes, it's time for you to go". Then they proceeded to talk about how terrible it was that his grandfather would let him go out at night by himself. And finally, they said in unison, "Matthew! You need to go home NOW!"
So, while I stood there dumbfounded at the lack of compassion or even politeness aimed at this child, he stood up and with a crushed look on his face (I can only say I could feel it more than I saw it) walked away into the dark.
I WAS PISSED! I turned to my friends and said, "So you're saying he shouldn't be out walking by himself in the dark and yet, you just told him to go alone into the night?!" (My neighbor then offered to go find him and walk him home...she tried, but he had gotten too far and I have to believe he wasn't in much of a mood to have some unkind neighbor lady walk with him.)
I tried to reason with my friends about Mathew's obviously unsatisfactory homelife and what it must feel like to be such a non-entity in his own home, that he goes out alone at night seeking a friendly face, or maybe just escaping a crappy situation. But, they wouldn't listen and just kept saying "He knows he's not welcome here", "He knows when he should be home". Really? What if YOU were never taught boundaries or told of the social stigma of overstaying your welcome, or what if you lived with a grandfather who barely knows how to take care of himself, let alone an 11 year old child...
It suddenly hit me that the crushed look on that boy's face, was the feeling I had been having all week; one of pure, intense, loneliness. No one should ever have to feel THAT lonely, especially at Christmastime. I felt his loneliness mix with mine and well up inside me. I went home and cried. I cried sadness for Matthew, and I cried anger at the thoughtlessness of my neighbors actions, I cried disappointment in humanity, and I cried at my own inability to react more quickly in this child's defense. My kids heard me and wanted to know what was wrong. I told them about how important it is to open your heart to others less fortunate, and to be kind to everyone without casting judgement. I then asked my kids to be nice to the boy, and to include him in their games occasionally. And my kids, being the wonderful, shining examples of un-jaded innocence and kindness that they are, immediately nodded their understanding and with a big group hug, asked me when could they invite Matthew over to play. I said as soon as possible (as long as we set some appropriate boundaries, of course).
Unfortunately they haven't been home to be able to ask him over, but I do have some free time today. Today I'm going to bring Matthew a small Christmas present. And I'm going to finish that conversation we started at the fire pit. And I'm going to get his phone number, so the kids can call him and invite him over. And hopefully, I'm going to make his day just a tiny bit better - I know my day will be one of the best days of Christmas yet!
Each day that I open my heart and my mind wider and wider to the possibilities of this world, I become a better person. One of the major tenets of Buddhism is to alleviate suffering; for yourself and for the world. I don't make resolutions, but acting with loving kindness towards those who need it most is certainly something I can do more of, starting today and continuing on in the New Year.
Peace and Blessings Friends!
Be kind to one another, it's the greatest gift of all.
Note: Matthew has been over a couple of times since this post and my kids always let me know how nice they've been to him. They want me to be proud of them, and I AM!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
What's your "Response Ability"?
"If you dissect the word responsibility, you find it really means "the ability to respond." How we choose our responses is what we'll continue to attract, create and become. To think that your life will be challenge free is illusion. Challenges are the way we test how much we have or have not developed our ability to respond." -James Ray
In this holiday season the challenges are many;, the challenge to budget just the right amount for gifts and then to find the "perfect" gift for each person on our list. Then there is the challenge to fit in all the parties, year-end appointments, and the additional pressure we put on yourself to complete these tasks in a short amount of time. Remember, those are just the added challenges of the last quarter of the year; you're also still juggling the challenges of relationships, parenthood, work responsibilities and financial stability, aging relatives, housework or homework, bad weather or bad tempers, keeping the faith or keeping up with the times...
So today, I challenge you, to take just a moment and renew your sense of self, and your ability to respond to the challenges and pressures in a way that doesn't push against the tide of your life, but rides on the waves in a gentle, peaceful and accepting way that reaffirms that you will reach the shore just when you should. Remember, pushing ahead harder than the waves are rolling only pulls you under, and drowns your ability to respond in a positive or accepting way.
"If you dissect the word responsibility, you find it really means "the ability to respond." How we choose our responses is what we'll continue to attract, create and become. To think that your life will be challenge free is illusion. Challenges are the way we test how much we have or have not developed our ability to respond." -James Ray
In this holiday season the challenges are many;, the challenge to budget just the right amount for gifts and then to find the "perfect" gift for each person on our list. Then there is the challenge to fit in all the parties, year-end appointments, and the additional pressure we put on yourself to complete these tasks in a short amount of time. Remember, those are just the added challenges of the last quarter of the year; you're also still juggling the challenges of relationships, parenthood, work responsibilities and financial stability, aging relatives, housework or homework, bad weather or bad tempers, keeping the faith or keeping up with the times...
So today, I challenge you, to take just a moment and renew your sense of self, and your ability to respond to the challenges and pressures in a way that doesn't push against the tide of your life, but rides on the waves in a gentle, peaceful and accepting way that reaffirms that you will reach the shore just when you should. Remember, pushing ahead harder than the waves are rolling only pulls you under, and drowns your ability to respond in a positive or accepting way.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you just might find, you get what you need - oh yeah!
I have sung this lyric to my children since they were 2 years old...but did I really think about how it applied to me? Not until tonight...
Of course what we all want are guarantees and reassurances that everything is going to turn out exactly like we want it to. I'm a control freak when it comes to trying to make sure that happens, not just for me, but for others around me as well. Because deep down I want everybody (including me) to be happy. I KNOW it's not possible to please everyone, but just every once in a while I am given the opportunity to "do the right thing", and tonight was one of those nights.
I had two birthday parties to attend, both for beautiful girls with the biggest personalities and the biggest hearts to match. I did not want to disappoint either one of them, but I also wasn't in much of a partying mood.
Suffice it to say, I put on my best party duds, pulled off a logistical feat of juggling kids and parties, and had a great time doing it. Both of these women were so appreciative of my appearances at their parties, I felt a little guilty about how little effort it actually took. And now I feel a bit sad that I wasn't able to spend more time at these parties; there were amazing and interesting people at both that I would to have loved spending more time with. I've opened my heart and my mind in ways I never saw myself doing, and in doing so, everyday I feel like it's MY birthday. Giving IS better than receiving!
However, that said, receiving is nice too and I have been blessed in the past week or so with the absolute kindest and most complimentary words from my friends. I've been trying this year to be more honest and open and approachable and positive and I guess I have been and I got my reward in these words "You make people feel good just to be around you." WOW! Is that the most amazing compliment ever or what?! So I don't always get what I want. But thanks to my friends, I get what I need.
But if you try sometimes well you just might find, you get what you need - oh yeah!
I have sung this lyric to my children since they were 2 years old...but did I really think about how it applied to me? Not until tonight...
Of course what we all want are guarantees and reassurances that everything is going to turn out exactly like we want it to. I'm a control freak when it comes to trying to make sure that happens, not just for me, but for others around me as well. Because deep down I want everybody (including me) to be happy. I KNOW it's not possible to please everyone, but just every once in a while I am given the opportunity to "do the right thing", and tonight was one of those nights.
I had two birthday parties to attend, both for beautiful girls with the biggest personalities and the biggest hearts to match. I did not want to disappoint either one of them, but I also wasn't in much of a partying mood.
Suffice it to say, I put on my best party duds, pulled off a logistical feat of juggling kids and parties, and had a great time doing it. Both of these women were so appreciative of my appearances at their parties, I felt a little guilty about how little effort it actually took. And now I feel a bit sad that I wasn't able to spend more time at these parties; there were amazing and interesting people at both that I would to have loved spending more time with. I've opened my heart and my mind in ways I never saw myself doing, and in doing so, everyday I feel like it's MY birthday. Giving IS better than receiving!
However, that said, receiving is nice too and I have been blessed in the past week or so with the absolute kindest and most complimentary words from my friends. I've been trying this year to be more honest and open and approachable and positive and I guess I have been and I got my reward in these words "You make people feel good just to be around you." WOW! Is that the most amazing compliment ever or what?! So I don't always get what I want. But thanks to my friends, I get what I need.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Perspective
I had the ultimate "Pity Party of One, Your Table is Ready" night last night...
Like many of you, I am a bit stressed and financially strapped (yes, that's a friggin' understatement). Also, I was worrying about my daughter's surgery today (just a minor procedure to have some hardware removed), Christmas has felt like that dream where you step out in front of an on-coming bus and you can't get back to the sidewalk fast enough, and to top it off I was PMSing to the point of non-stop-for-no-discernible-reason-uncontrollable tears. SOOO, I brilliantly decided to stay up WAY too late, watch TIVO'd re-runs of Rock of Love Charm School (as if they weren't informative enough the first time around ;), AND, at 12:15am have myself a big ol' bowl of pasta, and 2 very large glasses of wine, followed by an even larger bowl of Dulce de Leche Ice Cream!
This afternoon I am patting my squishy, bloated, soft white underbelly, and feeling very lethargic. Yet, I am counting my blessings and the world seems like a much kinder place. Yes, I'm still broke and underemployed, BUT my daughter's surgery went fantastically, the PMS has ebbed into exhaustion and, so what if there are still Christmas presents to be wrapped and mailed? I'm putting on that damn Santa hat and listening to Burl Ives til it's done! And tonight, with my 2 medium glasses of wine, I believe I'll have a salad with fat-free dressing and watch It's a Wonderful Life. (Okay, truthfully. I really don't care for that movie, but it fit the theme.) You get my drift: My, how 24 hours can change your outlook!
So the moral of the story is, when life gets tough...just hang in there! Whatever it takes; be it a late night fatty fest, or prayer, or a gentle reminder that things could be worse, everything eventually turns around.
I had the ultimate "Pity Party of One, Your Table is Ready" night last night...
Like many of you, I am a bit stressed and financially strapped (yes, that's a friggin' understatement). Also, I was worrying about my daughter's surgery today (just a minor procedure to have some hardware removed), Christmas has felt like that dream where you step out in front of an on-coming bus and you can't get back to the sidewalk fast enough, and to top it off I was PMSing to the point of non-stop-for-no-discernible-reason-uncontrollable tears. SOOO, I brilliantly decided to stay up WAY too late, watch TIVO'd re-runs of Rock of Love Charm School (as if they weren't informative enough the first time around ;), AND, at 12:15am have myself a big ol' bowl of pasta, and 2 very large glasses of wine, followed by an even larger bowl of Dulce de Leche Ice Cream!
This afternoon I am patting my squishy, bloated, soft white underbelly, and feeling very lethargic. Yet, I am counting my blessings and the world seems like a much kinder place. Yes, I'm still broke and underemployed, BUT my daughter's surgery went fantastically, the PMS has ebbed into exhaustion and, so what if there are still Christmas presents to be wrapped and mailed? I'm putting on that damn Santa hat and listening to Burl Ives til it's done! And tonight, with my 2 medium glasses of wine, I believe I'll have a salad with fat-free dressing and watch It's a Wonderful Life. (Okay, truthfully. I really don't care for that movie, but it fit the theme.) You get my drift: My, how 24 hours can change your outlook!
So the moral of the story is, when life gets tough...just hang in there! Whatever it takes; be it a late night fatty fest, or prayer, or a gentle reminder that things could be worse, everything eventually turns around.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Tired. And Thankful.
It's been a day of ups and downs, as most are, which just reinforces the fact that we all need to be Thankful not just on one day that was set aside, but every day...Thankful for the big gifts and the small ones too. Thankful for the memories and experiences that have shaped our lives, taught us lessons, and brought us to this moment. Because at this moment your whole life could change.
My Gram, who is 95 was hospitalized this morning, briefly. She had had another heart attack and had fallen and hit her head, was a little disoriented and VERY upset. We were all Thankful that because of her advanced state of mental deterioration she wasn't aware of what day it was - that would have upset her even more! Of course, we were also very worried and since Mom is her primary care-giver she was called away so we worried about her too (she gets a little stressed - okay! That's a major understatement, but you get the point). We all pulled together to get dinner together and make things go as smoothly as possible given the circumstances. At one point this morning I was alone in my parent's house, peeling 10 lbs of potatoes and singing at the top of my lungs to my Kate Gaffney CD (yes, I am a bit obsessed with it) and feeling so happy to have this time to myself and then immediately feeling guilty to be enjoying myself. Later in the day Dad took over the hospital, and it was hard not seeing him at the head of the table today (almost premonition like, ugh)...
But at the end of the day, like so many other Thanksgiving days, we all were well fed and grateful for our time together. Gram was sent home, but I'm not entirely sure she'll be with us much longer and I am returning to Sacramento on Saturday...another up/down I must deal with. So, remember to celebrate the ups, learn from the downs, then get ready to celebrate the next up - because it's coming. Big or small, lengthy or brief, the ups and downs just keep rolling along, and it's best if you can roll right along with 'em...
It's been a day of ups and downs, as most are, which just reinforces the fact that we all need to be Thankful not just on one day that was set aside, but every day...Thankful for the big gifts and the small ones too. Thankful for the memories and experiences that have shaped our lives, taught us lessons, and brought us to this moment. Because at this moment your whole life could change.
My Gram, who is 95 was hospitalized this morning, briefly. She had had another heart attack and had fallen and hit her head, was a little disoriented and VERY upset. We were all Thankful that because of her advanced state of mental deterioration she wasn't aware of what day it was - that would have upset her even more! Of course, we were also very worried and since Mom is her primary care-giver she was called away so we worried about her too (she gets a little stressed - okay! That's a major understatement, but you get the point). We all pulled together to get dinner together and make things go as smoothly as possible given the circumstances. At one point this morning I was alone in my parent's house, peeling 10 lbs of potatoes and singing at the top of my lungs to my Kate Gaffney CD (yes, I am a bit obsessed with it) and feeling so happy to have this time to myself and then immediately feeling guilty to be enjoying myself. Later in the day Dad took over the hospital, and it was hard not seeing him at the head of the table today (almost premonition like, ugh)...
But at the end of the day, like so many other Thanksgiving days, we all were well fed and grateful for our time together. Gram was sent home, but I'm not entirely sure she'll be with us much longer and I am returning to Sacramento on Saturday...another up/down I must deal with. So, remember to celebrate the ups, learn from the downs, then get ready to celebrate the next up - because it's coming. Big or small, lengthy or brief, the ups and downs just keep rolling along, and it's best if you can roll right along with 'em...
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Self-limiting thoughs = uninvited guests
I know what they are. I recognize them when I'm having them. And yet, I can't seem to quiet them. Even when someone I like and respect tells me they aren't true - I agree...and then I go right ahead and knuckle-under to the voices in my head again!
I'm talking about the voice that was whispering tonight - 'Wow, did you just really change the subject from that girl's PHD aspirations to your pre-teen parenting woes? - Smoooth move - NOT!".
Then it said, "This lady wants to mingle and you have been holding her captive for far too long simply because you don't see anyone else you know to talk to - let her go!"
And then, get this: It had the nerve to say, "She's looking right at your name tag and still doesn't have a clue who you are - yes Lisa, you are just THAT interesting".
I bailed out of the hell I called "stepping outside my comfort zone" shortly after that little gem. Besides, it was whispering at me all day that if I can't even make one person a little bit happy, how on earth am I going to get my kids through puberty/become a successful writer/be financially secure, etc etc etc...
My response: "OH Really! Who are you? And why are you such a downer?!" I've determined that I've got to find out and silence this dark menace once and for all...maybe after my 367th duel-to the death with the PMS monster...or is that just a lame excuse, put there AGAIN by those voices in my head? They are crafty devils I tell you!
I know what they are. I recognize them when I'm having them. And yet, I can't seem to quiet them. Even when someone I like and respect tells me they aren't true - I agree...and then I go right ahead and knuckle-under to the voices in my head again!
I'm talking about the voice that was whispering tonight - 'Wow, did you just really change the subject from that girl's PHD aspirations to your pre-teen parenting woes? - Smoooth move - NOT!".
Then it said, "This lady wants to mingle and you have been holding her captive for far too long simply because you don't see anyone else you know to talk to - let her go!"
And then, get this: It had the nerve to say, "She's looking right at your name tag and still doesn't have a clue who you are - yes Lisa, you are just THAT interesting".
I bailed out of the hell I called "stepping outside my comfort zone" shortly after that little gem. Besides, it was whispering at me all day that if I can't even make one person a little bit happy, how on earth am I going to get my kids through puberty/become a successful writer/be financially secure, etc etc etc...
My response: "OH Really! Who are you? And why are you such a downer?!" I've determined that I've got to find out and silence this dark menace once and for all...maybe after my 367th duel-to the death with the PMS monster...or is that just a lame excuse, put there AGAIN by those voices in my head? They are crafty devils I tell you!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Simple and Effective
In learning Buddhist principles, sometimes the most amazing realizations come out of the simplest passages...Here is one I learned today....
Buddhism teaches us that happiness is the absence of sufferering, yet so much of our suffering is caused DIRECTLY by our own thoughts - 'I want, yet I cannot have, so I am left wanting'. We all have desires, it's just that it is not in our power to make all those desires appear magically before us. So, the sooner we learn to "re-position" the desire in our thought process the easier it is to achieve a happier life (without suffering for the lack of something) and truly live in the moment.
Ready? Here you go...
This is SO easy! Instead of thinking, or saying, "I want _________", try this; "My preference would be ________ ". Try it, right now, with anything that you have been wanting.
Here's what happened in my thought process: My desires have been many of late; I want my friends to stop suffering, I want the next few months to go by quickly and peacefully; I want compliments; I want more money,...etcetera...etcetera...etcetera...
THEN, when I replace the "I want" with "My preference would be", it made so much more sense and created such peace of mind..."My preference would be that my friends not suffer, "My preference would be that the next few months go by quickly and peacefully, My preference would be to have more money"... What followed was the instinctive continuation to any of these statements, which is "But" or "And". Which, serves to helps us realize the alternatives to the wants that we are do not have.
"My preference would be that my friends not suffer AND here is what I can do to help"
"My pference would be for the next couple of months to go by quickly and peacefully; BUT I can't hurry up time (acceptance) AND it is up to me to make sure peace is achieved (positive action)".
"My preference would be to have more money, BUT I don't, so how am I going to make the best of what I do have?" or the other BUT, which is even more powerful - "BUT I have more blessings than many and I know I will make it through this tough time."
It is not an easy thing to change our way of thinking and this is where daily meditation (which I have yet to achieve) comes in. Meditation reinforces the positive in our lives, addresses the negatives, and embraces the moment. What could be better?
In learning Buddhist principles, sometimes the most amazing realizations come out of the simplest passages...Here is one I learned today....
Buddhism teaches us that happiness is the absence of sufferering, yet so much of our suffering is caused DIRECTLY by our own thoughts - 'I want, yet I cannot have, so I am left wanting'. We all have desires, it's just that it is not in our power to make all those desires appear magically before us. So, the sooner we learn to "re-position" the desire in our thought process the easier it is to achieve a happier life (without suffering for the lack of something) and truly live in the moment.
Ready? Here you go...
This is SO easy! Instead of thinking, or saying, "I want _________", try this; "My preference would be ________ ". Try it, right now, with anything that you have been wanting.
Here's what happened in my thought process: My desires have been many of late; I want my friends to stop suffering, I want the next few months to go by quickly and peacefully; I want compliments; I want more money,...etcetera...etcetera...etcetera...
THEN, when I replace the "I want" with "My preference would be", it made so much more sense and created such peace of mind..."My preference would be that my friends not suffer, "My preference would be that the next few months go by quickly and peacefully, My preference would be to have more money"... What followed was the instinctive continuation to any of these statements, which is "But" or "And". Which, serves to helps us realize the alternatives to the wants that we are do not have.
"My preference would be that my friends not suffer AND here is what I can do to help"
"My pference would be for the next couple of months to go by quickly and peacefully; BUT I can't hurry up time (acceptance) AND it is up to me to make sure peace is achieved (positive action)".
"My preference would be to have more money, BUT I don't, so how am I going to make the best of what I do have?" or the other BUT, which is even more powerful - "BUT I have more blessings than many and I know I will make it through this tough time."
It is not an easy thing to change our way of thinking and this is where daily meditation (which I have yet to achieve) comes in. Meditation reinforces the positive in our lives, addresses the negatives, and embraces the moment. What could be better?
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
The Life You Were Born to Live
Times truly are tough and going to get tougher. We all need to do what we can to take care of ourselves, because if we don't take care of ourselves, we can't take care of each other...
The Life You Were Born to Live is an AMAZING book by Dan Millman...if you are going through self-doubt, or getting to know yourself or just need a guidepost, this book can help. I first heard of it from my friend Heather. Let me just tell you that the first time she told me one of the Life Paths was called Freedom and Discipline...I KNEW that was going to be my life path too...those two words just hit home. Since then, I have shared this book with many people, all of whom just say "Oh My God, OH! my God, Omigod", the entire time they are reading about themselves, or a lover, or a parent, or a child or whomever they have looked up in the book...it's that accurate!
For instance, one of the challenges for my life path is the challenge of honest expression of my emotions - something I definitely struggle with! An excerpt: "When we are dishonest in any way, with ourselves or with others, intentionally or not, our internal parts fight one another and our inner sense of spirit or inspiration fades; we feel cut off and alone".
Emotionally it's still difficult at times to express myself honestly... I'm afraid of the risk of angering someone or don't want to burden others with my down times...especially my kids or other friends who I feel might be suffering even more than I. I always KNOW I've got it better than someone else, but through my meditation I am working on letting the negative feelings come into my conscious...I've been sailing down the river Denial for far too long...
Another example; Before getting this book, I had begun to experiment with meditation as a way to get through tough times, uncertainty, and boredom...then I read this about myself: "Boredom is your personal hell. Ultimately the freedom you seek entails illumination and spiritual liberation, expanding your consciousness to the point where the universe becomes a playgound'...it's SO true, meditation and seeking a deeper spiritual self has alleviated some of my always needing to have something to look forward to, always trying to be in control, both emotionally and physically, and bettering the practice of living in the moment (not all of it, but some...I'm still working on it).
This book will help you learn about your challenges; some you may not even know about...others you know about but just can't seem to move past...it even addresses, in some cases, how negativity and NOT living the the life you were meant to can affect your health (again! amazingly accurate in my case, pinpointing things, healthwise, that have definitely affected me).
When I get a little lost on my path, I open the book and read about myself...helps me re-focus and re-energize in the positive. We can all use a little positivity these days...peace & blessings to all....Lisa
Times truly are tough and going to get tougher. We all need to do what we can to take care of ourselves, because if we don't take care of ourselves, we can't take care of each other...
The Life You Were Born to Live is an AMAZING book by Dan Millman...if you are going through self-doubt, or getting to know yourself or just need a guidepost, this book can help. I first heard of it from my friend Heather. Let me just tell you that the first time she told me one of the Life Paths was called Freedom and Discipline...I KNEW that was going to be my life path too...those two words just hit home. Since then, I have shared this book with many people, all of whom just say "Oh My God, OH! my God, Omigod", the entire time they are reading about themselves, or a lover, or a parent, or a child or whomever they have looked up in the book...it's that accurate!
For instance, one of the challenges for my life path is the challenge of honest expression of my emotions - something I definitely struggle with! An excerpt: "When we are dishonest in any way, with ourselves or with others, intentionally or not, our internal parts fight one another and our inner sense of spirit or inspiration fades; we feel cut off and alone".
Emotionally it's still difficult at times to express myself honestly... I'm afraid of the risk of angering someone or don't want to burden others with my down times...especially my kids or other friends who I feel might be suffering even more than I. I always KNOW I've got it better than someone else, but through my meditation I am working on letting the negative feelings come into my conscious...I've been sailing down the river Denial for far too long...
Another example; Before getting this book, I had begun to experiment with meditation as a way to get through tough times, uncertainty, and boredom...then I read this about myself: "Boredom is your personal hell. Ultimately the freedom you seek entails illumination and spiritual liberation, expanding your consciousness to the point where the universe becomes a playgound'...it's SO true, meditation and seeking a deeper spiritual self has alleviated some of my always needing to have something to look forward to, always trying to be in control, both emotionally and physically, and bettering the practice of living in the moment (not all of it, but some...I'm still working on it).
This book will help you learn about your challenges; some you may not even know about...others you know about but just can't seem to move past...it even addresses, in some cases, how negativity and NOT living the the life you were meant to can affect your health (again! amazingly accurate in my case, pinpointing things, healthwise, that have definitely affected me).
When I get a little lost on my path, I open the book and read about myself...helps me re-focus and re-energize in the positive. We can all use a little positivity these days...peace & blessings to all....Lisa
Wednesday, Septembe 24, 2009
bitch slap
So here I am running around town calling myself a writer (it was a homework assignment, "the elevator pitch"...long story.) ANYway...after 3 hours discussing my genius (and the genius of the other women in the workshop), I get the brilliant idea to to stop by the bookstore tonight. WELL, if that didn't just harsh my I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR buzz!
As an aspiring writer, I should LOVE the bookstore, right? NO! I f'n hate it! First, because you can see right there in front of you that everything you want to write about has already been covered--- A MILLION TIMES! --- and second, because I want to read every single one of these books and where the hell am I supposed to find time for writing if I'm reading, and vice versa! EEEEEEEEEE!!!! I ran screaming to the Eastern religions section where I bought every single tome about staying centered and true and focused........what was I saying?...Oh yeah....
By the way, this bookstore foray comes after a head-spinning, heart pounding, mind blowing, confusion causing, ugh, I think I'm gonna vomit, link after link after link, trip into the world wide web to explore the world of blogs; It is NOT a "world"--it's a freakin' UNIVERSE - No! It's 7 Universes plus one medium sized galaxy of INFORMATION OVERLOAD! (Just today it will grow to 7 universes, 12 large galaxies, and 2 newborn planets. Tomorrow - who knows?!).
So, in my infinite wisdom, I thought the bookstore would be more manageable, and, yes, the actual geography of the bookstore is NOTHING to compare to the black hole of the www! Of course, I went nowhere near the "Internet for Dummies" section -- I was too afraid of getting sucked in!!!
So here I am running around town calling myself a writer (it was a homework assignment, "the elevator pitch"...long story.) ANYway...after 3 hours discussing my genius (and the genius of the other women in the workshop), I get the brilliant idea to to stop by the bookstore tonight. WELL, if that didn't just harsh my I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR buzz!
As an aspiring writer, I should LOVE the bookstore, right? NO! I f'n hate it! First, because you can see right there in front of you that everything you want to write about has already been covered--- A MILLION TIMES! --- and second, because I want to read every single one of these books and where the hell am I supposed to find time for writing if I'm reading, and vice versa! EEEEEEEEEE!!!! I ran screaming to the Eastern religions section where I bought every single tome about staying centered and true and focused........what was I saying?...Oh yeah....
By the way, this bookstore foray comes after a head-spinning, heart pounding, mind blowing, confusion causing, ugh, I think I'm gonna vomit, link after link after link, trip into the world wide web to explore the world of blogs; It is NOT a "world"--it's a freakin' UNIVERSE - No! It's 7 Universes plus one medium sized galaxy of INFORMATION OVERLOAD! (Just today it will grow to 7 universes, 12 large galaxies, and 2 newborn planets. Tomorrow - who knows?!).
So, in my infinite wisdom, I thought the bookstore would be more manageable, and, yes, the actual geography of the bookstore is NOTHING to compare to the black hole of the www! Of course, I went nowhere near the "Internet for Dummies" section -- I was too afraid of getting sucked in!!!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Men v. Women - WE WIN!!
I put this blog under the category romance and relationships because I think it best fits how I'm feeling about well, "relationships" --
My God, women are amazing creatures! I am in love with woman-kind! Don't get me wrong, I still gotta have some sex now and then, oh! and a nice, strong man to lie next to, but I swear if women came with penises, we'd be perfect!
Okay. okay I'm exaggerating; We've got pms, and vanity, and boob sweat...but pretty much other than that, I believe that women that are fully capable of taking over the world --- (and I don't mean you, Mrs. Palin!) Anyway, more on this subject later...gotta go love my girls and myself some more...okay that sounds wrong - But, sing it loud, sing it proud, girlfriend - "If lovin' me is wrong, I don't wanna be right"!
L
p.s. was gonna list my mood as "curious" just to mess with everyone, but went for a more honest description of my current state of mind (eccentric)...that's how I roll.
I put this blog under the category romance and relationships because I think it best fits how I'm feeling about well, "relationships" --
My God, women are amazing creatures! I am in love with woman-kind! Don't get me wrong, I still gotta have some sex now and then, oh! and a nice, strong man to lie next to, but I swear if women came with penises, we'd be perfect!
Okay. okay I'm exaggerating; We've got pms, and vanity, and boob sweat...but pretty much other than that, I believe that women that are fully capable of taking over the world --- (and I don't mean you, Mrs. Palin!) Anyway, more on this subject later...gotta go love my girls and myself some more...okay that sounds wrong - But, sing it loud, sing it proud, girlfriend - "If lovin' me is wrong, I don't wanna be right"!
L
p.s. was gonna list my mood as "curious" just to mess with everyone, but went for a more honest description of my current state of mind (eccentric)...that's how I roll.
Friday, September 05, 2008
Summer's Over
Well, tonight marks the end of my 'Summer Of Fun'... Now I get to act like a grown-up and get back to the business at hand called life. I've had the privilege of playing WAY more than most people get to play in a lifetime. I've been to DC and Jersey and I've seen lots of great shows! (The final concert tonight was Stone Temple Pilots, one of my most favorite bands of all time.) Mostly I got to hang out with people that I find interesting, fun and very cool! Of course I am looking forward to more of the same, but for now I need to put on the 'adult' hat and figure out some serious shit. Damn! I really liked living in the place called denial...Reality bites. I want to thank all of the peeps that made this summer one I will always remember...you know who you are but you probably don't realize how special you are. I tend to put a lot of meaning into gestures that may seem small to others but to me, mean the world. I celebrated, with gratitude for my beautiful life, turning 45 this year but I still don't think it's hit me - I don't feel 45 (but then again, what should that feel like?) I partied A LOT, but I also felt grounded and more in control of my future than I have in 20 or so years. It was a good combination. Times will be tougher before they get better. I am prepared...but also, standing at the end of summer looking toward the fall seems somewhat prophetic. "The Fall" sounds really scary! Maybe I'll start calling it Autumn...No. That sounds like something a 45 year old would say! ;-)
Well, tonight marks the end of my 'Summer Of Fun'... Now I get to act like a grown-up and get back to the business at hand called life. I've had the privilege of playing WAY more than most people get to play in a lifetime. I've been to DC and Jersey and I've seen lots of great shows! (The final concert tonight was Stone Temple Pilots, one of my most favorite bands of all time.) Mostly I got to hang out with people that I find interesting, fun and very cool! Of course I am looking forward to more of the same, but for now I need to put on the 'adult' hat and figure out some serious shit. Damn! I really liked living in the place called denial...Reality bites. I want to thank all of the peeps that made this summer one I will always remember...you know who you are but you probably don't realize how special you are. I tend to put a lot of meaning into gestures that may seem small to others but to me, mean the world. I celebrated, with gratitude for my beautiful life, turning 45 this year but I still don't think it's hit me - I don't feel 45 (but then again, what should that feel like?) I partied A LOT, but I also felt grounded and more in control of my future than I have in 20 or so years. It was a good combination. Times will be tougher before they get better. I am prepared...but also, standing at the end of summer looking toward the fall seems somewhat prophetic. "The Fall" sounds really scary! Maybe I'll start calling it Autumn...No. That sounds like something a 45 year old would say! ;-)
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Birthday Wishes
I realize now that I put way too much importance on one day out of the year. It's just that I spend the other 364 days a year really working my ass off for others; being a good friend, good listener, good mom, good employee, good sister, etc. And giving, without expecting anything in return, of myself and my time and when I can, if it's needed, my money.
That said, I don't require gifts and I hate surprises - Really all I want for my birthday is to have my best friends around me and have at least one person, preferably male, say "DAMN! You don't look 45! You're hot!"
Simple enough, but never as simple as it seems...
*Note: I got EVERYTHING I wanted and more!
I realize now that I put way too much importance on one day out of the year. It's just that I spend the other 364 days a year really working my ass off for others; being a good friend, good listener, good mom, good employee, good sister, etc. And giving, without expecting anything in return, of myself and my time and when I can, if it's needed, my money.
That said, I don't require gifts and I hate surprises - Really all I want for my birthday is to have my best friends around me and have at least one person, preferably male, say "DAMN! You don't look 45! You're hot!"
Simple enough, but never as simple as it seems...
*Note: I got EVERYTHING I wanted and more!
Friday, July 25, 2008
Confessions of a wanna-be Buddhist
In Buddhism there are 3 poisons;
1. Ignorance of the truth
(the truth lies within us and we must seek to find it - this is the journey I am on)
2. Attachment
3. Aversion
Attachment has two subsets; pride and jealousy. We are so attached to our possessions and accomplishments that they become a source of pride; it fixes us in place entangling and entrapping us, deadening the living flow of authenticity and spirit. The search for truth would then end here.
Jealousy means that we are not happy with what we have or we are not fully self-loving which will never allow us to give or receive genuine acceptance or love, which is unselfish and not codependent. This is one of the joyful realizations of the journey and also one of the scariest things to practice because you have to have ultimate trust that the universe is a friendly place and that whatever happens was meant to be.
In Summary: Because we are ignorant of the truth we think we can be made happy by fulfilling our attachments to a specific person, place, thing, feeling. Inevitably we are disappointed, then aversion, dislike or even hatred rears its ugly head.
My Confession: Sometimes I think I'm deluding myself, that eventually I will tire of the journey and go back to being the same ignorant, attachment prone, low self-esteem poser that I used to be...but what a train wreck that would be, it's almost if now that I've begun I can't turn back or I will be destroyed, but sometimes it's just as exhausting to let go of all the old habits and self-deprecating thoughts as it is to hold on to them...that's when I meditate and read.
If I were able to apply all of the tenets and avoid all of the poisons of Buddhism to my life, I should be able to forgive anything and love anyone no matter what, but so far that hasn't been possible and I'm positive that it never will be, at least not for me. I'm still human after all!!
The cool thing is, that even among Buddhist teachers, there is acknowledgement that even though we seek the truth, we are not all destined to become monks... in other words, just being on the journey is enough, and my path may not follow the same path as someone else's (my path has a few pot-holes in it, that's for sure -- I doubt I could ever be fully vegetarian, I like a glass of wine or a beer now and then, and I'm not about to shave my head or, worse, wear orange! Orange is a horrible color on me.)
So I guess I will continue down my bumpy, sometimes scary, sometimes confusing road, not knowing where I will end up, but always knowing that I am headed in the right direction!!!
In Buddhism there are 3 poisons;
1. Ignorance of the truth
(the truth lies within us and we must seek to find it - this is the journey I am on)
2. Attachment
3. Aversion
Attachment has two subsets; pride and jealousy. We are so attached to our possessions and accomplishments that they become a source of pride; it fixes us in place entangling and entrapping us, deadening the living flow of authenticity and spirit. The search for truth would then end here.
Jealousy means that we are not happy with what we have or we are not fully self-loving which will never allow us to give or receive genuine acceptance or love, which is unselfish and not codependent. This is one of the joyful realizations of the journey and also one of the scariest things to practice because you have to have ultimate trust that the universe is a friendly place and that whatever happens was meant to be.
In Summary: Because we are ignorant of the truth we think we can be made happy by fulfilling our attachments to a specific person, place, thing, feeling. Inevitably we are disappointed, then aversion, dislike or even hatred rears its ugly head.
My Confession: Sometimes I think I'm deluding myself, that eventually I will tire of the journey and go back to being the same ignorant, attachment prone, low self-esteem poser that I used to be...but what a train wreck that would be, it's almost if now that I've begun I can't turn back or I will be destroyed, but sometimes it's just as exhausting to let go of all the old habits and self-deprecating thoughts as it is to hold on to them...that's when I meditate and read.
If I were able to apply all of the tenets and avoid all of the poisons of Buddhism to my life, I should be able to forgive anything and love anyone no matter what, but so far that hasn't been possible and I'm positive that it never will be, at least not for me. I'm still human after all!!
The cool thing is, that even among Buddhist teachers, there is acknowledgement that even though we seek the truth, we are not all destined to become monks... in other words, just being on the journey is enough, and my path may not follow the same path as someone else's (my path has a few pot-holes in it, that's for sure -- I doubt I could ever be fully vegetarian, I like a glass of wine or a beer now and then, and I'm not about to shave my head or, worse, wear orange! Orange is a horrible color on me.)
So I guess I will continue down my bumpy, sometimes scary, sometimes confusing road, not knowing where I will end up, but always knowing that I am headed in the right direction!!!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Time for Reflection
So I just spent 4 days with my Grandmother - a woman I really hardly know and yet, I know her very well. I grew up 3000 miles away from her, my mom left New Jersey to move to Oregon when she was 7 months pregnant with me! (What a nut!) Grandma is now 89 years old and just this year lost the second love of her life. She now lives alone. She is active and bright and healthy and beautiful! ( I hope I've got some of her good genes!)
I was speaking with her sister, my great-aunt, and we were discussing the aging issue. Aunt Florence asked me to please keep in touch with Grandma - "She gets lonely". Of course I said I would, as I left to travel back to my lovely home in California.
Now don't get me wrong here, Grandma by no means needs someone to take care of her, yet. But it got me thinking, again, about how we isolate our senior citizens and how painfully lonely it must be to live alone and feel forgotten, by even your closest family members. I wonder what happened to the American population that made it seem okay, even preferable, to "warehouse" our elderly citizens in their own communities or in "assisted living facilities". I think part of it is that the the seniors themselves still desire their independence, but I also think we just became so busy with our own lives/careers/children that it was just, plain and simply, easier. How sad is that?
Please reach out to an elderly relative/neighbor/friend today...you can't even begin to imagine how much even a 10 minute conversation will mean to them. And remember - We're going to be old someday too!
So I just spent 4 days with my Grandmother - a woman I really hardly know and yet, I know her very well. I grew up 3000 miles away from her, my mom left New Jersey to move to Oregon when she was 7 months pregnant with me! (What a nut!) Grandma is now 89 years old and just this year lost the second love of her life. She now lives alone. She is active and bright and healthy and beautiful! ( I hope I've got some of her good genes!)
I was speaking with her sister, my great-aunt, and we were discussing the aging issue. Aunt Florence asked me to please keep in touch with Grandma - "She gets lonely". Of course I said I would, as I left to travel back to my lovely home in California.
Now don't get me wrong here, Grandma by no means needs someone to take care of her, yet. But it got me thinking, again, about how we isolate our senior citizens and how painfully lonely it must be to live alone and feel forgotten, by even your closest family members. I wonder what happened to the American population that made it seem okay, even preferable, to "warehouse" our elderly citizens in their own communities or in "assisted living facilities". I think part of it is that the the seniors themselves still desire their independence, but I also think we just became so busy with our own lives/careers/children that it was just, plain and simply, easier. How sad is that?
Please reach out to an elderly relative/neighbor/friend today...you can't even begin to imagine how much even a 10 minute conversation will mean to them. And remember - We're going to be old someday too!
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Having a ball!
*Note: this is one of my more raunchy posts -read at your own risk.
Ya know, 99.5% of the time lately, I feel like I have the world by the balls! And then a day (or an afternoon) like today hits and I feel like those balls belong to a giant who is sitting on my face and I can't get away (like in those bad dreams, where your feet are moving, but your body is not) and all I want is for an even bigger, but gentle and kind giant to come and sweep me up and carry me away to a safe and quiet place until I'm ready to reach up and grab ahold of those balls again!
*Note: this is one of my more raunchy posts -read at your own risk.
Ya know, 99.5% of the time lately, I feel like I have the world by the balls! And then a day (or an afternoon) like today hits and I feel like those balls belong to a giant who is sitting on my face and I can't get away (like in those bad dreams, where your feet are moving, but your body is not) and all I want is for an even bigger, but gentle and kind giant to come and sweep me up and carry me away to a safe and quiet place until I'm ready to reach up and grab ahold of those balls again!
Monday, June 16, 2008
We are all flowers
We are all flowers
Current mood: blissful
Category: Religion and Philosophy
Adapted from "Touching Peace" by Thich Nhat Hanh, zen master, poet and peace advocate. (My responses follow in paranthesis).
Even though we were born as flowers, after a lifetime of worries and anxiety, we may not be fresh anymore. To become fresh again, practice this verse "breathing in, I see myself as a flower, breathing out I feel fresh" Breathe in Flower, Breathe out Fresh. Practicing this verse we water our flower and in just five or ten seconds if we do it right, if we do it mindfully (i.e. BELIEVE IT TO YOUR CORE) every cell in our body will smile and we will restore our flowerness. With mindful breathing we can be fresh.
Young people who have not yet suffered much are still beautiful flowers, the kind of flowers that can be a source of joy for anyone at anytime. We too have a flower to offer.
(Okay folks, the following is the part that had me crying tears of...I don't know how else to describe it other than "relief"):
A flower does not have to do anything to be of service, it only has to be a flower. That is enough. A human being, if she is a true human being, is enough to make the whole world rejoice.
(For so long I have felt I always had to do MORE, be MORE, give MORE but deep inside I also knew I didn't have to do anything other than just be me. To be validated in that belief is incredibly humbling and empowering at the same time!)
So practice your breathing and recover your flowerness. You do it for all of us. Your freshness and joy bring us peace.
(I always try to be nice to be near, for that is so much more than anything I can do or so or give. Of course we all have our off days, if I'm ever been unpleasant or bitchy- I probably haven't been watered lately!)
We are all flowers
Current mood: blissful
Category: Religion and Philosophy
Adapted from "Touching Peace" by Thich Nhat Hanh, zen master, poet and peace advocate. (My responses follow in paranthesis).
Even though we were born as flowers, after a lifetime of worries and anxiety, we may not be fresh anymore. To become fresh again, practice this verse "breathing in, I see myself as a flower, breathing out I feel fresh" Breathe in Flower, Breathe out Fresh. Practicing this verse we water our flower and in just five or ten seconds if we do it right, if we do it mindfully (i.e. BELIEVE IT TO YOUR CORE) every cell in our body will smile and we will restore our flowerness. With mindful breathing we can be fresh.
Young people who have not yet suffered much are still beautiful flowers, the kind of flowers that can be a source of joy for anyone at anytime. We too have a flower to offer.
(Okay folks, the following is the part that had me crying tears of...I don't know how else to describe it other than "relief"):
A flower does not have to do anything to be of service, it only has to be a flower. That is enough. A human being, if she is a true human being, is enough to make the whole world rejoice.
(For so long I have felt I always had to do MORE, be MORE, give MORE but deep inside I also knew I didn't have to do anything other than just be me. To be validated in that belief is incredibly humbling and empowering at the same time!)
So practice your breathing and recover your flowerness. You do it for all of us. Your freshness and joy bring us peace.
(I always try to be nice to be near, for that is so much more than anything I can do or so or give. Of course we all have our off days, if I'm ever been unpleasant or bitchy- I probably haven't been watered lately!)
Friday, May 09, 2008
My "mantra", if you will...
So I'm reading a couple of great books that EVERYONE on the planet should read; The Saint, The Surfer and The CEO and that new book by Eckhart Tolle that I always mix up the title to...so anyway; they both suggest a prayer of sorts to be reflected upon on a daily basis...here's mine; feel free to plagarize, copy, expand, simplify to your own personal use if you'd like!
I am worthy of a self-less and passionate love
I am worthy of all that I have and all that I will have
I am worthy of success and happiness
I am worthy of freedom, privacy, and quiet time to myself
I am thankful for healthy happy children
I am thankful for the roof over my head and a soft place to rest my head at night
I am thankful for the food I eat, the abundance is truly a gift
I am thankful for a friendly universe and wise teachers
I am thankful for the opportunity to experience a rich and full life
I am thankful for the ability to express my love for my children, my family and my friends through words, good deeds, good meals, and hugs
I am thankful for music and art and nature
I am thankful for the support and caring of others during sad and difficult times
I want to share my joyful life with others
I want to always feel this way
I want to take care of myself so that I may can live a long and healthy life
I want my children to know how much I love them, every single day
I am strong, confident, capable, generous, kind, fun-loving, deeply feeling, open, refreshed, zealous, funny, creative and whole.
I can change the world
So I'm reading a couple of great books that EVERYONE on the planet should read; The Saint, The Surfer and The CEO and that new book by Eckhart Tolle that I always mix up the title to...so anyway; they both suggest a prayer of sorts to be reflected upon on a daily basis...here's mine; feel free to plagarize, copy, expand, simplify to your own personal use if you'd like!
I am worthy of a self-less and passionate love
I am worthy of all that I have and all that I will have
I am worthy of success and happiness
I am worthy of freedom, privacy, and quiet time to myself
I am thankful for healthy happy children
I am thankful for the roof over my head and a soft place to rest my head at night
I am thankful for the food I eat, the abundance is truly a gift
I am thankful for a friendly universe and wise teachers
I am thankful for the opportunity to experience a rich and full life
I am thankful for the ability to express my love for my children, my family and my friends through words, good deeds, good meals, and hugs
I am thankful for music and art and nature
I am thankful for the support and caring of others during sad and difficult times
I want to share my joyful life with others
I want to always feel this way
I want to take care of myself so that I may can live a long and healthy life
I want my children to know how much I love them, every single day
I am strong, confident, capable, generous, kind, fun-loving, deeply feeling, open, refreshed, zealous, funny, creative and whole.
I can change the world
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Setting Sail...
You know how you sail through life? Some days are calm seas and fair winds and some days are rougher waters to endure (and some days really SUCK!) and this applies to every aspect of life, right? Work relationships, family relationships, friends, children, etcetera. And to top it all off we put this PREMIUM on our relationship with our significant other...and that premium out-weighs all the other relationships. We end up working hardest to make sure that that ship is sailing the smoothest, to the detriment of all the other ships in the fleet; including, and MOST IMPORTANTLY our own ship! We need to get back to putting the PREMIUM on ourselves. If we don't take care of ourselves, how can we take care of the rest of the fleet! And truly, that is what, in the grand scheme of things just freakin' exhausts most of us and ends up being the sinking of the significant other ship...
(God I love analogies!) So anyway, my point is - today, put that premium on YOU! Take care of YOU! You will begin to have more energy, more faith, more fun and your entire fleet will be better off for it - I promise!
You know how you sail through life? Some days are calm seas and fair winds and some days are rougher waters to endure (and some days really SUCK!) and this applies to every aspect of life, right? Work relationships, family relationships, friends, children, etcetera. And to top it all off we put this PREMIUM on our relationship with our significant other...and that premium out-weighs all the other relationships. We end up working hardest to make sure that that ship is sailing the smoothest, to the detriment of all the other ships in the fleet; including, and MOST IMPORTANTLY our own ship! We need to get back to putting the PREMIUM on ourselves. If we don't take care of ourselves, how can we take care of the rest of the fleet! And truly, that is what, in the grand scheme of things just freakin' exhausts most of us and ends up being the sinking of the significant other ship...
(God I love analogies!) So anyway, my point is - today, put that premium on YOU! Take care of YOU! You will begin to have more energy, more faith, more fun and your entire fleet will be better off for it - I promise!
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Epidemic
There seems to be an epidemic of women in their 30s and 40s becoming increasingly dis-satisfied with their long-term monogamous relationships. It seems like EVERYONE I talk to has a story.
What I’ve learned:
No one is immune based on moral values or religious ethics.
It’s quite clear that monogamy is neither desirable nor possible for the majority of human-beings.
Whether modeled by our mothers or formed from some mis-guided ideal, women have put our "selves" aside for the sake of the kids, the marriage, the family, or for social acceptance; men aren’t expected to (and therefore don’t) do this.
Some of those who have lost themselves go back to the last place they remember seeing their true selves, their single/dating/partying days. Some of us look for a new avenue to explore because we’ve never really known who we are. Some of us stay stuck in limbo for a very long time.
Whatever your situation is, if you talk about it, you will find others who are experiencing similar issues and it is always good to know you are not alone.
The divorce option provides freedom for some but it also provides turmoil for others.
And the number one thing I’ve learned from my own experience and from others: When you see the "perfect couple" or "perfect family" with their "perfect lives and perfect little house with a white picket fence in suburbia" - I can guarantee that all is not what it seems!
There are many unanswered questions about why this is happening; my theory is that most of us were independent women before we married and had kids and because we live in an era where divorce is much less taboo and far more common we have the option to exit a love-less or simply stagnant marriage (where our parents did not). If this were the 1950’s we’d stay home with our children, stay in our broken marriages and probably stay tranquilized with valiums in the morning and cocktails in the evening! Is this a blessing or a curse? I’m not sure.
There seems to be an epidemic of women in their 30s and 40s becoming increasingly dis-satisfied with their long-term monogamous relationships. It seems like EVERYONE I talk to has a story.
What I’ve learned:
No one is immune based on moral values or religious ethics.
It’s quite clear that monogamy is neither desirable nor possible for the majority of human-beings.
Whether modeled by our mothers or formed from some mis-guided ideal, women have put our "selves" aside for the sake of the kids, the marriage, the family, or for social acceptance; men aren’t expected to (and therefore don’t) do this.
Some of those who have lost themselves go back to the last place they remember seeing their true selves, their single/dating/partying days. Some of us look for a new avenue to explore because we’ve never really known who we are. Some of us stay stuck in limbo for a very long time.
Whatever your situation is, if you talk about it, you will find others who are experiencing similar issues and it is always good to know you are not alone.
The divorce option provides freedom for some but it also provides turmoil for others.
And the number one thing I’ve learned from my own experience and from others: When you see the "perfect couple" or "perfect family" with their "perfect lives and perfect little house with a white picket fence in suburbia" - I can guarantee that all is not what it seems!
There are many unanswered questions about why this is happening; my theory is that most of us were independent women before we married and had kids and because we live in an era where divorce is much less taboo and far more common we have the option to exit a love-less or simply stagnant marriage (where our parents did not). If this were the 1950’s we’d stay home with our children, stay in our broken marriages and probably stay tranquilized with valiums in the morning and cocktails in the evening! Is this a blessing or a curse? I’m not sure.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Weird Analogy (I LOVE analogies!)
Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with being needed. But romantically speaking, I don't want to be needed like a mother of 4 NEEDS a mini-van I want to be WANTED like a 17 year old boy WANTS a black 1965 Mustang GT Convertible with leather interior and racing stripes! ya know?
Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with being needed. But romantically speaking, I don't want to be needed like a mother of 4 NEEDS a mini-van I want to be WANTED like a 17 year old boy WANTS a black 1965 Mustang GT Convertible with leather interior and racing stripes! ya know?
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Prayer & Meditation
So I'm reading "Eat Pray Love" - I'm sure many of you have heard the hype (Oprah and all) and for me it's definitely hitting home. The only unfortunate part about it is that, unlike the author, I have neither the ways nor the means to leave a (non-existent) successful career and a (very real) all-consuming family and travel the world for a year to find pleasure, spirituality and the balance between them.
I find that while I just barely find time to merely read the book, the book makes me hunger like a starving child for more time for self-discovery and for prayer (real, honest, specific prayer) and for meditation (real, honest, out-of-body-into soul meditation).
Although I traditionally (and I think totally reasonably) refuse to make "resolutions" (cuz, really! What are the odds?!) I will (practicing some amount of tenuous faith) publicly make it known that I intend this year to find time or make time for these indulgences. To others it may seem a selfish endeavor - some friendships will suffer, some hobbies put aside.
But, read the book and you too may discover why I have come to believe the practice of prayer & meditation when embraced and practiced in it's truest form might just be the best thing every individual on this planet can do to heal - first themselves, then their nearest and dearest, and ultimately, this planet. I also believe this is only the beginning of a true spiritual journey and I hope you will indulge me as I write about my experiences along the way.
As many of you know I have a tattoo of a dove of peace. When asked what tattoo was closest to my heart that is the one I named. When asked one word that describes me, I chose peace-maker. I want it for the world, I strive for it in my family, I hate confrontation. So, through more self-indulgent prayer & meditation I hope to become the words and the images that I use to describe myself in a more profound and impactful (is that a word?) way.
A footnote: I've not yet finished the book - my sister's reaction was perplexing - If the lessons I'm learning turn out to be ruined by some horrific untruth or corny ending, I could be, well, as I like to say "talkin' out my ass"! HAHAHAHAHA! (Maybe my next tattoo should be of a rubber hose - because ultimately, I do like to "remain flexible"!) LOL!
Who knows where this is leading? And it doesn't change who I am. Maybe just a more authentic me (that's all I'm really hoping for). Stay tuned!
*Note: I'm still working on me a year later!
So I'm reading "Eat Pray Love" - I'm sure many of you have heard the hype (Oprah and all) and for me it's definitely hitting home. The only unfortunate part about it is that, unlike the author, I have neither the ways nor the means to leave a (non-existent) successful career and a (very real) all-consuming family and travel the world for a year to find pleasure, spirituality and the balance between them.
I find that while I just barely find time to merely read the book, the book makes me hunger like a starving child for more time for self-discovery and for prayer (real, honest, specific prayer) and for meditation (real, honest, out-of-body-into soul meditation).
Although I traditionally (and I think totally reasonably) refuse to make "resolutions" (cuz, really! What are the odds?!) I will (practicing some amount of tenuous faith) publicly make it known that I intend this year to find time or make time for these indulgences. To others it may seem a selfish endeavor - some friendships will suffer, some hobbies put aside.
But, read the book and you too may discover why I have come to believe the practice of prayer & meditation when embraced and practiced in it's truest form might just be the best thing every individual on this planet can do to heal - first themselves, then their nearest and dearest, and ultimately, this planet. I also believe this is only the beginning of a true spiritual journey and I hope you will indulge me as I write about my experiences along the way.
As many of you know I have a tattoo of a dove of peace. When asked what tattoo was closest to my heart that is the one I named. When asked one word that describes me, I chose peace-maker. I want it for the world, I strive for it in my family, I hate confrontation. So, through more self-indulgent prayer & meditation I hope to become the words and the images that I use to describe myself in a more profound and impactful (is that a word?) way.
A footnote: I've not yet finished the book - my sister's reaction was perplexing - If the lessons I'm learning turn out to be ruined by some horrific untruth or corny ending, I could be, well, as I like to say "talkin' out my ass"! HAHAHAHAHA! (Maybe my next tattoo should be of a rubber hose - because ultimately, I do like to "remain flexible"!) LOL!
Who knows where this is leading? And it doesn't change who I am. Maybe just a more authentic me (that's all I'm really hoping for). Stay tuned!
*Note: I'm still working on me a year later!
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
VERY SCARY Halloween!
Had to blog this VERY SCARY thought...
I am almost certain that at this very moment some of my own clothing is being recycled into "The most awesome 80's-rocker-chick halloween costume ever, Dude"!
Okay now I'm going to have nightmares...thanks a lot you freakin' punk!
Had to blog this VERY SCARY thought...
I am almost certain that at this very moment some of my own clothing is being recycled into "The most awesome 80's-rocker-chick halloween costume ever, Dude"!
Okay now I'm going to have nightmares...thanks a lot you freakin' punk!
Friday, October 12, 2007
Wannabe Stripper
Just when I was starting to think it might be fun to take one of those in-home pole dancing classes, I get diagnosed with chronic calcific bursitis and a possible torn rotator cuff! Damn! I really feel old now. Maybe I'll just stick to square dancing...or backgammon....AW SCREW IT! That will never happen! I love life too much to let a little shoulder pain get me down! On to the Rick Allen School of Drumming! See you at the shows!
Just when I was starting to think it might be fun to take one of those in-home pole dancing classes, I get diagnosed with chronic calcific bursitis and a possible torn rotator cuff! Damn! I really feel old now. Maybe I'll just stick to square dancing...or backgammon....AW SCREW IT! That will never happen! I love life too much to let a little shoulder pain get me down! On to the Rick Allen School of Drumming! See you at the shows!
Sunday, October 06, 2007
Heroin Diaries
Wow. I just finished reading Nikki Sixx's book. First I want to Congratulate Nikki - not so much for getting off the night train, but for getting off the self-pity train. There were times in the book when I thought, "Dude, we get it, you hate your parents - move on!" But Nikki's experiences helped me to understand how fucked up a person can become if they don't have parental, or at least unconditional, love in their life. I'm truly blessed. I was at the Oakland Coliseum show where Motley finally confronted Nikki because he nearly missed the show. Apparently they were considering throwing him out of the band, but didn't do a damn thing to help Nikki, cuz they were all using too. Of course, I had no fucking idea! I was partying with my pals and enjoying a great day of music! It is amazing someone so fucked up can go out on stage and kick-ass, shitting blood and feeling like he was going to have a heart attack from all the coke. Obviously I was and am a million miles away from Nikki Sixx, but it just makes me think I should pay closer attention to the people around me...maybe they are suffering and I just don't see it.
Wow. I just finished reading Nikki Sixx's book. First I want to Congratulate Nikki - not so much for getting off the night train, but for getting off the self-pity train. There were times in the book when I thought, "Dude, we get it, you hate your parents - move on!" But Nikki's experiences helped me to understand how fucked up a person can become if they don't have parental, or at least unconditional, love in their life. I'm truly blessed. I was at the Oakland Coliseum show where Motley finally confronted Nikki because he nearly missed the show. Apparently they were considering throwing him out of the band, but didn't do a damn thing to help Nikki, cuz they were all using too. Of course, I had no fucking idea! I was partying with my pals and enjoying a great day of music! It is amazing someone so fucked up can go out on stage and kick-ass, shitting blood and feeling like he was going to have a heart attack from all the coke. Obviously I was and am a million miles away from Nikki Sixx, but it just makes me think I should pay closer attention to the people around me...maybe they are suffering and I just don't see it.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
more stuff about me (aren't you thrilled?)!
I have two lives. Well, I should say, at least two. Two that are fairly distinct and definable. My first life is the one that is most visible. I am a mostly stay-at-home mother and wife who lives in suburbia usa and car-pools her kids to school and volunteers and is a nice person who drinks a little too much wine sometimes, but all in all is a good example and fine human being. In my second life I'm all of those things, plus a crazy-for-long-haired-men Rocker Chick who loves being surrounded by creative, unique, sometimes fucked-up people and going out to loud bars and staying up late partying with these night-creatures who write beautiful lyrics and music and live on the edge.
I recently made the mistake of trying to blend the two lives. It failed miserably. If you have this same situation do not make the same mistake I did. As the song goes-- You got to keep 'em separated!
I have two lives. Well, I should say, at least two. Two that are fairly distinct and definable. My first life is the one that is most visible. I am a mostly stay-at-home mother and wife who lives in suburbia usa and car-pools her kids to school and volunteers and is a nice person who drinks a little too much wine sometimes, but all in all is a good example and fine human being. In my second life I'm all of those things, plus a crazy-for-long-haired-men Rocker Chick who loves being surrounded by creative, unique, sometimes fucked-up people and going out to loud bars and staying up late partying with these night-creatures who write beautiful lyrics and music and live on the edge.
I recently made the mistake of trying to blend the two lives. It failed miserably. If you have this same situation do not make the same mistake I did. As the song goes-- You got to keep 'em separated!
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Getting High
I can count my close friends on one hand. And like close friends do, we talk - a lot. Recently we were discussing the "high" of a new relationship. Well I do not have a new relationship, but I remember that feeling well! It's exhilirating and scary and exciting! It's a high. And some of us are addicted to it. I know I am.
But how to get the high, while in a long-term relationship? Let's face it being "in-love" only lasts for the first year or so. So I thought about other things you can do to get that high, without going out and finding a new boyfriend every year, something I guess I've been doing without even realizing it. For example; about every 5 years or so I feel the need to do something drastic like change addresses, take a big trip, change jobs, buy a new car, go back to school, etcetera. These things give the high for a period of time and then I'm good for the next few years. I've also tried (unwittingly) to get the high from shopping for nice shoes or a splurge on a handbag, but I've sadly discovered that high only lasts until the bill arrives in the mailbox, or until I've worn the shoes for the first time, whichever comes first.
Right now I'm in the process of launching a business and boy do I feel high! I am so in love with this baby I am floating on air! How long will it last? I don't know, but I know, as in a new relationship, it's scary as shit, but the rewards, as in a long term relationship, will be great!
I guess that's what they mean when they say "Get High on Life". If you're not high, go do something spectacular! Embrace life and all it's rewards and risks and challenges. Time for me to go nurture the baby that's getting me high right now. Have a beautiful day!
I can count my close friends on one hand. And like close friends do, we talk - a lot. Recently we were discussing the "high" of a new relationship. Well I do not have a new relationship, but I remember that feeling well! It's exhilirating and scary and exciting! It's a high. And some of us are addicted to it. I know I am.
But how to get the high, while in a long-term relationship? Let's face it being "in-love" only lasts for the first year or so. So I thought about other things you can do to get that high, without going out and finding a new boyfriend every year, something I guess I've been doing without even realizing it. For example; about every 5 years or so I feel the need to do something drastic like change addresses, take a big trip, change jobs, buy a new car, go back to school, etcetera. These things give the high for a period of time and then I'm good for the next few years. I've also tried (unwittingly) to get the high from shopping for nice shoes or a splurge on a handbag, but I've sadly discovered that high only lasts until the bill arrives in the mailbox, or until I've worn the shoes for the first time, whichever comes first.
Right now I'm in the process of launching a business and boy do I feel high! I am so in love with this baby I am floating on air! How long will it last? I don't know, but I know, as in a new relationship, it's scary as shit, but the rewards, as in a long term relationship, will be great!
I guess that's what they mean when they say "Get High on Life". If you're not high, go do something spectacular! Embrace life and all it's rewards and risks and challenges. Time for me to go nurture the baby that's getting me high right now. Have a beautiful day!
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
What a difference a year makes
I'm thinking of the past 12 months! It's been quite a year. By the numbers it goes like this:
10 pounds/zero trips to the gym
One new niece
Three fundraisers
One funeral
Three divorces
One engagement (yay!)
18 art lessons-given
Six concerts-attended
One piercing
One new tattoo
Four new really good friends and many more I'm just getting to know
Two interviews/zero offers (what's up with that!?)
Too many (way too many) hours on myspace!
Three trips to Oregon
Two visits to Tahoe
Three trips to So. Cal. (San Diego, Long Beach, and El Mirage)
One visit to Walla Walla, Washington
25 and irresponsible (the criteria Candi and I have for our next men!)
I've cried more tears this year than I have in 20 years! I've laughed more times this year than I have in 10 years!
Now this is my year in an analogy:
A year ago my life was at a four-way stop. I turned left. I hit a road block. I flipped a u-turn and then proceeded in the same direction I had been going. It's a long road, and the journey has been bumpy at times. I'm not sure where the road leads to yet, but each mile holds a surprise of some kind or another so I'll keep on truckin'! :-)
I'm thinking of the past 12 months! It's been quite a year. By the numbers it goes like this:
10 pounds/zero trips to the gym
One new niece
Three fundraisers
One funeral
Three divorces
One engagement (yay!)
18 art lessons-given
Six concerts-attended
One piercing
One new tattoo
Four new really good friends and many more I'm just getting to know
Two interviews/zero offers (what's up with that!?)
Too many (way too many) hours on myspace!
Three trips to Oregon
Two visits to Tahoe
Three trips to So. Cal. (San Diego, Long Beach, and El Mirage)
One visit to Walla Walla, Washington
25 and irresponsible (the criteria Candi and I have for our next men!)
I've cried more tears this year than I have in 20 years! I've laughed more times this year than I have in 10 years!
Now this is my year in an analogy:
A year ago my life was at a four-way stop. I turned left. I hit a road block. I flipped a u-turn and then proceeded in the same direction I had been going. It's a long road, and the journey has been bumpy at times. I'm not sure where the road leads to yet, but each mile holds a surprise of some kind or another so I'll keep on truckin'! :-)
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Parenting 101 - The Missing Chapters
Below are the Chapters that I did NOT find in any of my parenting manuals! Add your favorite "missing chapters" to mine and between all of us we may actually get 90% of the parenting trials and tribulations covered. But I doubt it.
Chapter 1 - Calling 911 The First Time - An idiot's guide to bloody noses.
Chapter 2 - Help! I'm crying on the bathroom floor because my 3 and a half year old has pooped his "big boy" pants for the 5th time today and I can't get up.
Chapter 3 - How to look cool after your child projectile vomits in a motorcycle showroom
Chapter 4 - Pervert, Pedophile or just "Nice old man" - You get to be the judge!
Chapter 5 - "My Tummy Hurts" the on-going affliction of pre-pubescent girls and it's possible origins
Chapter 6 - Corn is NOT a vegetable and chocolate muffins are really just cake. Really!
Chapter 7 - Never Leash The Dog to The Stroller and other obvious no-no's.
Chapter 8 - Cartwheels do not break arms - cheerleaders do!
Chapter 9 - Where did you learn THAT?! The Painful Truth.
Chapter 10 - That knot in your stomach is permanent at least until your children reach puberty, then it becomes a migraine. (Actually that's not just a chapter title, that's the entire chapter.)
Below are the Chapters that I did NOT find in any of my parenting manuals! Add your favorite "missing chapters" to mine and between all of us we may actually get 90% of the parenting trials and tribulations covered. But I doubt it.
Chapter 1 - Calling 911 The First Time - An idiot's guide to bloody noses.
Chapter 2 - Help! I'm crying on the bathroom floor because my 3 and a half year old has pooped his "big boy" pants for the 5th time today and I can't get up.
Chapter 3 - How to look cool after your child projectile vomits in a motorcycle showroom
Chapter 4 - Pervert, Pedophile or just "Nice old man" - You get to be the judge!
Chapter 5 - "My Tummy Hurts" the on-going affliction of pre-pubescent girls and it's possible origins
Chapter 6 - Corn is NOT a vegetable and chocolate muffins are really just cake. Really!
Chapter 7 - Never Leash The Dog to The Stroller and other obvious no-no's.
Chapter 8 - Cartwheels do not break arms - cheerleaders do!
Chapter 9 - Where did you learn THAT?! The Painful Truth.
Chapter 10 - That knot in your stomach is permanent at least until your children reach puberty, then it becomes a migraine. (Actually that's not just a chapter title, that's the entire chapter.)
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Not foolin' anybody!
Apparently I'm a lot more transparent then even I realized! I know that I divulge way too much personal information a lot of the time, but doesn't everyone want to hear about my plantars wart?! But there are things I don't say out loud and my friend Laurie just had the nerve to tell me that she already knows that I am not happy in my suburban cocoon. How dare she! I don't talk about that! I am the consummate wife/mother/car-pooler/volunteer-er! Okay so that's not cutting it for me. At least she also told me that it's okay not be fulfilled by the picket fence society I live in and she doesn't find it selfish at all. Well that's a relief, because that's mostly why I don't talk about it - I wouldn't want Mrs. Kravitz across the street, or Mrs. Cleaver down on the corner to think that I am a completely ungrateful, self-centered, bitch. But you know what? Not being happy with the status quo doesn't make me those things. In fact, trying to fit in to this lifestyle makes me a bitch. The question is - what will make me happy? When will I feel satisfied? If anybody has any suggestions, I'm listening!
Apparently I'm a lot more transparent then even I realized! I know that I divulge way too much personal information a lot of the time, but doesn't everyone want to hear about my plantars wart?! But there are things I don't say out loud and my friend Laurie just had the nerve to tell me that she already knows that I am not happy in my suburban cocoon. How dare she! I don't talk about that! I am the consummate wife/mother/car-pooler/volunteer-er! Okay so that's not cutting it for me. At least she also told me that it's okay not be fulfilled by the picket fence society I live in and she doesn't find it selfish at all. Well that's a relief, because that's mostly why I don't talk about it - I wouldn't want Mrs. Kravitz across the street, or Mrs. Cleaver down on the corner to think that I am a completely ungrateful, self-centered, bitch. But you know what? Not being happy with the status quo doesn't make me those things. In fact, trying to fit in to this lifestyle makes me a bitch. The question is - what will make me happy? When will I feel satisfied? If anybody has any suggestions, I'm listening!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Life is good - most of the time
I have no right to complain. I live in a beautiful house and I have two beautiful healthy children. I have a family who loves me - a lot - with very little drama or crisis. But sometimes, just every once in a while, I get really tired of pretending that I'm happy ALL THE TIME! I get tired, I get sad, I am lonely, I am confused, bored, hurt, angry, scared, worried, and frustrated! If I weren't these things I'd be a robot. But when you are the "happy" person, the one who holds it all together, the one who makes sure everyone else is taken care of and getting along, the mediator - no one wants to hear the crappy stuff. And it sucks. A lot of my friends are going through some really serious stuff right now, and my little issues seem so trivial in comparison, I'm embarrassed to even bring up the financial difficulties (at least I have a roof over my head), or the inner conflict about what to do next with my life (at least I have time to decide), or the frustrations of raising a 10 year old boy (at least he's healthy). Comparing my issues to others' doesn't make sense, but it also doesn't make them any less real or less important. And the person I should be able to lean on doesn't even ask me how I am, or what is on my mind, they just don't want to know. They only want to know that everything is fine. Because if everything isn't fine in my Perfectly Happy Sunshiny world then their world must be really messed up!
I have no right to complain. I live in a beautiful house and I have two beautiful healthy children. I have a family who loves me - a lot - with very little drama or crisis. But sometimes, just every once in a while, I get really tired of pretending that I'm happy ALL THE TIME! I get tired, I get sad, I am lonely, I am confused, bored, hurt, angry, scared, worried, and frustrated! If I weren't these things I'd be a robot. But when you are the "happy" person, the one who holds it all together, the one who makes sure everyone else is taken care of and getting along, the mediator - no one wants to hear the crappy stuff. And it sucks. A lot of my friends are going through some really serious stuff right now, and my little issues seem so trivial in comparison, I'm embarrassed to even bring up the financial difficulties (at least I have a roof over my head), or the inner conflict about what to do next with my life (at least I have time to decide), or the frustrations of raising a 10 year old boy (at least he's healthy). Comparing my issues to others' doesn't make sense, but it also doesn't make them any less real or less important. And the person I should be able to lean on doesn't even ask me how I am, or what is on my mind, they just don't want to know. They only want to know that everything is fine. Because if everything isn't fine in my Perfectly Happy Sunshiny world then their world must be really messed up!
Old blog posts
I'm going to transfer some of my older posts over here from Myspace. I've been blogging there since 2007, and there are some pretty good ones. I'l just identify them by the date they were originally posted. Hope you enjoy! Lisa
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